


Frosted Animal Crackers

by Theveryhornycaterpillar



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Ace character hell yeah, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, Mostly Fluff, Rugby, a plot might also happen at some point even if it is only by accident, some angst after the 4th chapter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-06
Updated: 2016-01-02
Packaged: 2018-04-25 05:06:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 41,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4947850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Theveryhornycaterpillar/pseuds/Theveryhornycaterpillar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>College AU based on a bunch of prompts.<br/>Or more accurately: Clarke and Lexa have been together a year when Lexa makes a terrible error of judgement and Raven, Clarke and Octavia never let her live it down.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Frosted Animal Crackers

**Author's Note:**

> Based on a tweet by @Jeebus_Cristo "*Hugs GF from behind* *softly tucks her hair behind her ear* *Whispers* 'Eat all the frosted animal crackers again and we're fucking done'"  
> AKA  
> It's their first anniversary, Clarke is stuck at work and Lexa is hungry.

Clarke was late. Clarke was late and Lexa was hungry. It was their first anniversary. One whole year since they became official. Even if they had kind of been a thing for several months before that without telling anybody else. Despite her best efforts and being the daughter of the head of surgery Clarke couldn’t wrangle the day off. It was now ten in the evening and Clarke should have been home two hours ago. Lexa didn’t blame her, she knew how hard she had tried. Trainee doctors weren’t allowed days off during their practical assignments though. Well not unless they were considered a threat to their patient's health. Clarke had promised that they would do something the next time they both had time away from their studies but Lexa had other ideas. She had planned and bought the ingredients for their very own romantic dinner. Clarke’s favourite (spaghetti carbonara) followed by Lexa’s homemade peanut butter and chocolate tart.

She looked up at the Table she had lain for their dinner. The tealights were flickering and looked like a light breeze might tip them over the edge into extinction. She deflated as one of the candles finally burnt through. The column of smoke drifted up like its soul was being released. Tonight was officially a wet fart of a night.

Lexa leant back and flopped down onto the sofa that, judging by the ominous creaking it made, had seen one too many rough makeout sessions during its residence in student housing. She had put too much effort into tonight for it all to go to waste. First off she had to convince Clarke’s flatmates, Raven and Octavia, to not only give her a spare key but also make themselves scarce. The key had been relatively easy. She just picked Octavia’s pocket then got Raven to cut a copy without telling her what the key was for. The more she thought about it the worse that sounded. “Let’s never tell Clarke about that” she resolved echoing her thoughts to the empty room. Convincing the duo to go out and stay out had been more difficult. It had cost her $50 plus a taxi fare. Well Raven had cost her $50 dollars and a taxi fair. Octavia had planned to be at Lincoln’s anyway. Plus she was still kind of scared of Lexa after the knife throwing incident. Throwing a carving knife with exquisite accuracy and embedding it in the doorframe above a person’s head tended to have that effect on people.

Her stomach released a dissatisfied grumble as she scrolled through channels trying to find anything halfway decent to watch. “Sorry Clarke dinner’s off.” She sighed her stomach mourning the carbonara that it would not get a chance to digest. The sofa let out several more alarming groans as she hauled herself up. It was time to search the kitchen. 

After five minutes of searching the freezer, fridge and every other possible food hiding place she had herself an impressive haul. But seeing as she couldn’t be bothered to cook her choices were limited to: frozen peas, four soggy Oreos, an orange that looked like it had been there since before the last set of students moved out six months ago, or a 1lb bag of frosted animal crackers. There was also the tart but that was Clarke’s favourite so she couldn't bring herself to eat it without her.

She huffed as she took in the disappointing view. The orange - if that’s what it even was had last seen better days in 1923 so that was out. The soggy Oreos were tempting. However the jar she had found them in looked like it had last been cleaned when the orange was still orange. Lexa knew that she wasn’t going to catch anything if she ate them but something about unclean food containers just made her uneasy. The peas would be a good option if she wasn’t actually hungry and if she liked peas. That left the animal crackers. They were perfect for snacking on once she found something decent to watch. It wasn't like she could eat the whole bag but they would fill a gap.

Decent turned out to be a stretch for TV so she loaded up Brooklyn Nine-Nine on her laptop instead. She blamed Raven for getting her hooked on this show. ‘You’re like a cross between Holt, Amy and Rosa’ she had told her. ‘You’ve got the stoic emotionless bit of Holt, the cleanliness and perfectionism of Amy, and the violent tendencies of Rosa.' She explained after Lexa had watched three episodes and was unsure of whether to be offended or pleased. Lexa still wasn’t entirely sure if that was supposed to be good or bad but it was safe to say that she was hooked. With season three already having started she had some major catching up to do.

She was midway through season one when her stomach let out another low rumble reminding her of the animal crackers that lay on the floor next to the sofa.

**“I get snacky”**

“I hear ya Jake” she muttered as she cracked open the pack and started picking at the crackers.

 

Eight episodes later she realised that there was only one episode of of season one left. “Watch this then bed” she said “sorry Clarke”. She just hoped Clarke didn’t freak out when she found her girlfriend asleep in her bed. It wasn’t like Lexa hadn’t slept there before. This time Clarke didn’t know that she was there though. Lexa really hoped that Clarke would realise it was her and not phone the police like she almost had when Octavia forgot her key and climbed in through the window. She hit play and dipped her hand into the bag but was met only with plastic. “What?” she said not quite believing that she had managed to eat a whole pound of frosted animal crackers.

**“My name is Jake Peralta and I just got fired from the NYPD”**

“What?” Her mouth dropped open in shock.

“What?” Clarke’s voice shook her out of her daze. “Lexa?” Clarke called entering the room. “What are you doing here Lex? are you alright?”

Lexa paused the video on the opening credits hiding the empty animal cracker bag in her pocket as Clarke walked round the sofa to face her. “Err yeah I’m good.” She said hoping that the bag was sufficiently hidden and the blush creeping up her cheeks didn’t give her away. 

Remembering why she was there she put her laptop on the floor and stood up to greet the blonde with a quick kiss. “Happy Anniversary Clarke” she said. 

“That was yesterday now babe” Clarke laughed.

“Oh shit it’s quarter past one” Lexa swore as she caught sight of the clock. "I didn't realise it was so late. Or early" she frowned

“What’s this?” Lexa turned to see Clarke pointing at the cutlery and burnt out candles that furnished the table.

“Oh I was going to surprise you with dinner, I figured you’d be too tired to go out after work so I was going to make spaghetti but then it got late and you weren’t back and Brooklyn Nine-Nine happened and yeah.” She trailed off looking at the floor as she realised how sappy she sounded. Once some of her blush had subsided she looked back up and met the sparkling blue eyes of her girlfriend. Clarke raised her eyebrows and grinned as they made eye contact.

“Alexandria Woods you are amazing” she said placing a hand on the back of Lexa’s neck and pulling her in for a kiss. “I’m. so. sorry. I. am. so. late.” Clarke said punctuating each word with a gentle kiss. “I love you so much Lex. And I am so sorry because you’re amazing and you did all this and I tried to get away from work but one thing happened after another and then there was a car crash and we had three people crashing and... I love you.” It was Lexa’s turn to grin now as she watched Clarke confess her love to her. The blonde blushed as she caught sight of Lexa’s shit eating grin. Raven seriously needed to stop brushing off on Lexa.

“I love you Clarke Griffin” she said pulling her in for another kiss.

When they broke apart Clarke stepped back and looked Lexa up and down. “Oh god you’ve not eaten yet have you? You must be starving”

“Err I..” Lexa started but was cut off by Clarke grabbing her phone and dialling the 24-Hour pizza place next door. “Hi Monroe it’s Clarke can we have the usual please?...Yup yup sounds good…. Perfect I’ll be there in five. Thank you” Clarke hung up leaving Lexa staring at her in shock. “I’ll be right back.” Clarke told her as she kissed her cheek and disappeared out the door leaving Lexa frozen in the middle of the room .

As soon as she heard the door slam Lexa collapsed on the sofa head in hands. How was she going to explain her mystery lack of appetite? If she said she was sick Clarke would spend the next week caring for her. Although Lexa loved her dearly she’s not sure she could handle that again any time soon. She could hardly tell her that she had eaten a pound of animal crackers though. She settled on eating as much pizza as she could stomach and hoping Clarke didn’t get too enthusiastic later on. She doubted that regurgitated pizza would go down well in bed.

“Honey I’m home” Clarke called as the front door swung open. The smell of pizza reached Lexa and almost made her gag. This was not going to go well.

 

Lexa managed four slices of the large pizza before she felt like the next might actually kill her. “Whooo I’m stuffed” She said to Clarke who was currently tucking into her sixth slice .

Clarke looked up surprise on her face. “Really? you normally eat most of it before I even get a chance. Are you feeling ok?” Clarke moved closer to her and inspected her face before pressing the back of her hand to her forehead. “You look ok and you’ve not got a temperature”

“Yeah I’m good.” She said pushing Clarke’s hand away and yawning in a somewhat over dramatic fashion. “Just tired”.

“Oh” Clarke looked down dejected “Sorry I was so late Lex.” She said discarding her half-eaten slice of pizza in the box that lay by their feet. “Let’s get you to bed.”

Lexa allowed herself to be hoisted up by Clarke despite several screams of protest from her stomach that urged her to lie very very still for a very long time. “Sorry I’m not more fun tonight Clarke” Lexa sighed into her shoulder as Clarke led her to her bedroom.

“Hey it’s fine, you’re fine I wasn’t even expecting to see you today or yesterday or whatever day it even is at the moment so even if we have to skip the anniversary sex you being here is still a bonus.”

Lexa brushed her lips against the side of Clarke’s neck as she spoke.

“Hey you cannot tell me that you’re too tired for sex then do that. That is not fair in any way shape or form Lexa Woods” She said opening her bedroom door. Clarke turned and shut the door behind them before pinning Lexa to the wall with her hips.

Lexa was regretting the animal crackers more and more by the second as she took in the sight in front of her. Clarke’s lips hovered over her own and her eyes, usually sharp and blue were almost black as her irises dilated. Clarke leant forward and barely brushed her lips against Lexa’s. The brunette mentally cursed and reminded herself never to eat an entire bag of animal crackers ever again. She considered just saying ‘to hell with it’ and pushing Clarke back onto the bed but a wave of nausea stopped that idea in its tracks.

Clarke kissed Lexa on the cheek lightly and stepped back as she feigned another yawn. “Here you go” she said throwing a t-shirt and a pair of boxers to Lexa who was still flat against the wall looking slightly worse for wear. “Wow you must be tired” Clarke muttered as Lexa failed to make any attempt to catch the clothes.

“Err yeah thanks, sorry I’m exhausted.”

She brushed her teeth and changed before climbing into bed.

Lexa lay facing the window praying that the waves of nausea would fade and that she wouldn’t end up adding a new stain to Clarke’s carpet. A few minutes later she felt the mattress dip as Clarke climbed in beside her. Lexa figured that pretending to be asleep was her best bet here considering that if she opened her mouth to speak she wasn’t entirely sure what left it would be words. She felt the warm arms of the blonde wrap around her waist as she whispered in her ear. “Thank you Lex, I love you.” Lexa smiled and drifted off as she felt Clarke relax into her.

 

It was two weeks later that Lexa and Clarke finally got a chance to celebrate their anniversary. Both had the afternoon off. Octavia was with Lincoln doing ‘unspeakable things’ as Raven chose to phrase it, and Raven was covering Octavia’s shift at the bar so that she had time to do said ‘unspeakable things’. Lexa was stood in front of the stove frying the bacon when she heard a rustle behind her. Before she had chance to turn Clarke had wrapped her right hand around her waist and settled her chin on Lexa’s left shoulder. Clarke lifted her hand from Lexa’s waist momentarily to brush her curly brown hair away from her neck. “Clarke Griffin has honored me with her presence.” She laughed turning her head towards her girlfriend only to be met with a face full of golden hair as Clarke took her earlobe between her teeth and tugged on it gently before soothing it with her lips. “Ok Clarke trying to cook without burning your flat down here.” She groaned only just able to form words as Clarke kissed her neck. “Or we could just skip dinner”. That was sounding like a better idea by the second as Clarke hummed against her ear. Clarke shifted behind her so that she had her hands on Lexa’s hips and her mouth was millimetres away from her ear. Lexa took a deep breath trying to remember how to breathe.

“I love you Lex” Clarke whispered, her breath warm against Lexa’s ear. “But if you ever eat all the frosted animal crackers again then we’re fucking done.”

“Wait what?” Lexa turned as Clarke stepped back and held up the empty pound bag in her right hand eyebrows raised.

Lexa had completely forgotten about hiding the bag in the bin in Clarke’s bathroom but judging by the look on her face Clarke wouldn’t be quite so quick to forget.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What was happening to Clarke while Lexa pigged out

Clarke parked up outside the apartment block and looked up to her flat on the fourth floor. She was hardly surprised to see that no lights were on inside. Yet she was still disappointed that there would be nobody home to greet her. The clock on her dashboard put the time at 01:25. That was a new record considering the fact that she was supposed to be home by eight.

 

***

 

Clarke was on the final week of her practical rotation at Ark General. She had spent the last eighteen hours knee deep in blood, shit and vomit as urgent call after urgent call was put out to the trauma team she had been assigned to. At 19:27, just three minutes before she was due to finish,  an ambulance bought in the first victim from a major traffic incident.   From what she could gather the incident had involved a lorry and four cars so there was more where he came from. So much for finishing on time.

The two paramedics rolled the gurney towards her team revealing a man in his mid to late thirties strapped to a backboard with his right leg in a splint. “Thoracic trauma. Possible punctured lung. Lacerated femoral artery. Shattered femur. Severe blood loss.” The Paramedic on the left shouted at them. Clarke grabbed the gurney and thanked Octavia’s brother Bellamy for his swift handover. “Any time princess” she heard the paramedic shout after her.

Over the next thirty minutes four more victims of the same crash were wheeled at them. All were in varying states of unconsciousness and all were experiencing serious blood loss. Three of the five went into cardiac arrest upon arrival and despite the best efforts of the team around her nothing could be done for two of them. The third had stabilised and was now in emergency surgery to stem internal bleeding.

By the time the trauma team had cleared the fallout from the RTC it was midnight. Clarke was exhausted, covered in various bodily fluids and in desperate need of a shower.

She finally walked out the doors of the hospital at 12:45 only to bump into Bellamy as he walked away from the ambulance station.

“Hey, Bell you want a lift?” She offered knowing that the answer would be a half-hearted no followed by ‘go on then’. She wasn’t wrong.

Bellamy had been a paramedic in Richmond, Virginia before he heard that Octavia would be studying in D.C.. He had taken the first transfer north that became available so he could be close to his sister. Clarke couldn’t help but admire the bond the Blake siblings had. Bellamy had always looked out for his little sister, even before their mum died. Since then though he had made sure that he was always nearby in case she needed him. In this case close by was an apartment two blocks from her own. “See you around Clarke, say hi to O for me.”

"Will do. Have a good night Bell." She bade him farewell and drove back to her own apartment block turning the radio on as she pulled away.

 

***

 

"I am the only one, I am the only one she wants," she sang humming the guitar riff as she fobbed into the main lobby and started the agonising climb up the stairs. “Why is the lift always broken?” She grumbled as she crawled up the third flight and onto her landing.

Stumbling into her flat she dumped her bag by the front door and walked towards the living room.

“What?”

“What?” She replied instinctively.  Was that Lexa? “Lexa?” She called as she entered the living room and saw her girlfriend sprawled on the sofa with the opening credits of Brooklyn Nine-Nine playing on her laptop. “What are you doing here Lex? Are you alright?” She fussed walking round to the front of the sofa.

“Err yeah I’m good” The brunette replied standing up and placing her laptop on the floor. “Happy Anniversary Clarke,” she said pulling Clarke in for a quick kiss.

Clarke laughed at the face Lexa made when she pointed out it was now the next morning and they had, in fact, missed their anniversary by almost two hours. Clarke wondered if her girlfriend realised how cute she looked when she frowned. She was pretty sure the answer was yes but if ever pointed out her reaction would include the words 'fuck and off’.

A bottle of wine on the table behind Lexa caught her eye and she was immediately hit by a wall of guilt when she  saw the table. It was laid with cutlery, wine glasses and three tealights which had now burnt out. ‘Oh no’ her mind screamed. Lexa had put a tonne of effort into surprising her with an anniversary meal and it had all gone to waste. "What's this?" She asked even if she was pretty sure she already knew the answer to that particular riddle.

“Oh I was going to surprise you with dinner, I figured you’d be too tired to go out after work so I was going to make spaghetti but then it got late and you weren’t back and Brooklyn Nine-Nine happened and yeah...”

Clarke looked back to her girlfriend who was trailing off on her explanation as a blush rose from her neck all the way to the points of the ears.

Clarke grinned as she pulled Lexa in for a much-deserved kiss. She played with the thick brown curls of hair at the top of Lexa’s neck as she deepened the kiss sucking her lower lip before soothing it with her tongue. Clarke pulled back and pressed a soft kiss to Lexa’s swollen lips with each word. “I’m. So. Sorry. I. Am. So. Late” Clarke took a step back but left her hands on Lexa’s hips as she tried to explain her lateness.

“I love you so much Lex. And I am so sorry because you’re amazing and you did all this and I tried to get away from work but one thing happened after another and then there was a car crash and we had three people crashing and... I love you.” She said letting her hands drop from Lexa’s hips to in front of her as she blushed. Lexa raised her eyebrows and gave Clarke Raven’s signature ‘and you call me sappy’ grin. Clarke knew it had been a mistake to leave those two alone together for too long.

"I love you Clarke Griffin" Lexa stated shit eating grin still plastered on her face. Clarke didn’t get the chance to berate Lexa for picking up Raven's bad habits before her lips were pressed to her own. Clarke wrapped an arm around Lexa's waist pulling their bodies flush as Lexa rubbed a thumb over her hip eliciting a small moan from Clarke.  

They broke apart and Clarke was hit with the sudden realisation that neither had eaten that evening. Lexa must be starving. She pulled out her phone and called The Polis Pizza Joint downstairs. Monroe answered so Clarke proceeded to ask for the usual- A large ham, mushroom and pepperoni. Thanking Monroe she hung up and ran out the door to collect the food she had just ordered.

***

 

Clarke wondered how on earth this place could afford to stay open 24/7. Sure the pizza was great and during the day it was busy but quite often they would only get one customer between 11 pm and 9 am. Quite often that only customer would be her so she was glad they were open even if the economics didn't add up.

Monroe was stood behind the counter looking as bored as you would expect an eighteen-year-old working the graveyard shift to look.

"Hi Clarke, you finish late again?"

"Yeah and poor Lexa has been at mine waiting for me all night" she replied shaking her head as she chuckled.

Despite Monroe  just starting college, the pair knew each other well. They had both grown up in Richmond and went to the same high school where they shared many of the same friends. Their linked friendship groups spanned all the way from freshmen to seniors. Teachers took to calling the group  'The Delinquents' due to the harmless pranks they pulled. At their peak, there were over a hundred delinquents and many had moved to D.C. for college or work.

They continued to chat about school and work until a buzzer went off behind the counter signalling that the pizza was ready.

“One large ham and mushroom with pepperoni. Enjoy” Monroe said handing Clarke the box.

“Thank you so much I am starving,” Clarke exclaimed as she grabbed the box and began the arduous trek back up the stairs to her apartment.

 

***

 

“Honey I’m home” She called. It was cheesy but hey she was tired and their whole situation seemed pretty cheesy at the moment. What with grand romantic gestures ending with pizza at two in the morning. Clarke thought it sounded like a plot of a terrible rom-com.

She plopped down next to Lexa and flipped the lid on the pizza box inhaling the smell of tomatoes and cheese before letting out an audible moan.

“It is always a comfort to know that pizza affects you the same way that I do Clarke.” Lexa uttered as she selected a slice from the box.

Clarke snorted in laughter at that. She was pretty sure Lexa wasn’t even trying to be funny, but unintentional dry wit was her specialty.  The cutting tone of her girlfriend’s voice never failed to make her smile.

Clarke was halfway through her sixth slice when Lexa slumped back in the sofa moaning that she was full. That was unusual Lexa wasn’t called the food dustbin for no reason. Normally others had to fight her to get any pizza.  Clarke grabbed her head and made sure she looked ok before checking her temperature with the back of her hand. She felt a normal enough temperature. Lexa pushed her hand away insisting that she was just tired. Clarke looked at the clock realising just how late it was. She dropped the remainder of her slice in the empty box that lay, discarded on the floor and helped Lexa to her feet.

Clarke felt Lexa rest her head against her shoulder as she intertwined their hands. Clarke led the way back to her room with Lexa shuffling along behind. She couldn't believe Lexa had managed to stay awake this long but was glad that she had waited up for her.

“Sorry I’m not more fun tonight Clarke,” Lexa whispered, her hot breath warming Clarke’s neck.

“Hey it’s fine, you’re fine I wasn’t even expecting to see you today or yesterday or whatever day it even is at the moment so even if we have to skip the anniversary sex you being here is still a bonus,” Clarke reassured her pressing a kiss to the mass of brown hair that currently resided on her shoulder. As she did so Clarke felt the soft brush of Lexa’s lips against her pulse point. That was in no way fair. That was all kinds of unfair.  She let Lexa know this as she opened her bedroom door and pushed it shut behind them spinning round to pin Lexa against the wall.

Clarke brought her face towards Lexa’s and brushed her lips with her own before placing a kiss to her cheek.  Stepping back Clarke laughed as Lexa let out what could only be described as a yawn of apocalyptic magnitude.

She grabbed an old grey t-shirt and a pair of boxers out of her chest of drawers and threw them to her girlfriend. Clarke was surprised when Lexa made no attempt to catch the clothes which just hit her in the thigh then dropped to the floor. She must be wrecked.

Clarke grabbed her own pajamas out the drawer as Lexa stumbled into the bathroom to brush her teeth. She sat on the edge of the bed and tried thinking up ways of making up for tonight

She hoped Lexa was alright. She could usually polish off a whole large pizza by herself so the fact that she had managed less than half was worrying in itself. Clarke just prayed that she hadn’t upset Lexa by arriving home so late and missing dinner. If that was the case she supposed it was understandable, but surely Lexa would know that there was nothing she could do. Besides it wasn’t like Lexa hadn’t missed dates before. Usually when she got stuck observing trials or interviewing defendants.

“Bathroom’s free”

Lexa’s barely audible murmur disrupted Clarke’s thought process bringing her mind back to the present.

Clarke noticed that something was off as soon as she entered her bathroom, but it took her a while to figure out what it was. The small metal pedal bin that sat under the sink had been left with its lid up.

Clarke kept meaning to fix it. Or more accurately, get Raven to fix it. But she always forgot so she was stuck with a bin that got jammed open and had to be practically stood on to get it to shut.

Poking out the top of the bin was a pink plastic bag. Clarke walked over knowing that it wasn’t her who put it there. “Lexa what are you hiding from me?” she wondered out loud plucking the bag from the bin. “Oh Alexandria Woods you are so dead,” she whispered as she looked at the empty bag of frosted animal crackers in her hand. No wonder Lexa had struggled to eat much pizza it was a wonder she had eaten any after scoffing a whole bag of animal crackers. Hell, it was a wonder she had managed to eat a whole bag of animal crackers. Especially considering that her insistence on healthy eating usually put Clarke’s diet to shame.

Clarke jammed the empty pack in her pocket in case she needed it as leverage at some point in the near future.  Bending down she forced the bin lid shut with only mild protest from the mechanism. She stood up and grabbed her toothbrush from the holder shaking her head in mild disbelief. For a law student and somebody who had watched every episode of How To Get Away With Murder at least eight times, Lexa was not very good at covering her tracks.

When she walked out of the bathroom she found Lexa already asleep in bed. So much for immediate revenge she thought. Actually, revenge might be best if she drew it out this time she considered climbing into bed beside Lexa. It was a good job her girlfriend looked so cute when she slept or she would have been woken up by a bucket of cold water by now. Clarke wrapped her arms around Lexa’s waist not caring if she ended up with a dead arm in the morning. “Thank you Lex, I love you,” She whispered into her girlfriend’s shoulder being careful not to wake her.

Clarke drifted off scheming up ways of exacting her revenge on the great cookie thief lying beside her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the positive feedback on the first chapter. Hope this bit doesn't disappoint.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The planning and execution Ft. Monty

Clarke’s plan for revenge was two weeks in the making. She hoped that the planning and preparation for the grand takedown would serve her well.

Today was the day it all came together and if everything went according to plan Lexa would never dare to steal her food ever again.

***

The morning after their anniversary Lexa had left early to get to her 9am lecture. Clarke didn’t mind waking up early on this occasion. It gave her more time to plot her girlfriend’s demise.   

It was her day off, she knew that Raven and Octavia would soon be back from wherever they had spent the night so resolved to wait for them. In the meantime she cleared away the discarded pizza box and made herself some breakfast. Well she cut a slice out of the chocolate peanut butter tart that Lexa had left in the fridge. She couldn’t let it go to waste.  Besides  Lexa could hardly have a go at her about healthy eating and nutritional breakfasts after eating a pound of frosted animal crackers.

At least this tart was actually intended for her to eat. Unlike the animal crackers which most certainly had not been Lexa’s to consume.

***

It was 9:45 when Raven walked into the flat covering her eyes and shouting.  “If you two are fucking in a communal area please stop immediately I have only just paid off the therapist from last time I walked in on you two”.

Clarke laughed and called back from where she was lying on the sofa. “Your eyes are safe Reyes Lexa left about an hour ago, she had an early lecture.”

“Oh” Raven sounded almost disappointed. “I was hoping to catch her before she took the rest of the tart with her”

“It’s in the fridge” Clarke chuckled glad to know that she wasn’t the only one who ate dessert for breakfast.

“Wait what happened to your secret dinner?” Raven asked as she opened the fridge and saw the bacon, eggs and cream still on the shelves untouched.

“I got stuck at the hospital and didn’t get home til half one so the whole surprise anniversary meal thing didn’t really happen”

Raven shoved Clarke’s feet off the sofa and sat down next to her. “Shit. She was looking forward to being all sappy and romantic.” Raven said looking down at the tart “I’m glad you didn’t eat this though.” She shoved a forkful into her mouth and attempted to say something but Clarke was pretty sure a team of translators and code breakers would be unable to decipher what.

“I know and I feel so bad Ray. Or at least I did until I found this.” Clarke said holding up the crumpled pink bag that formerly held the animal crackers.

Raven almost choked as she processed the sight in front of her. “Wait is that the bag out the kitchen?”

“Mmhmm” Clarke nodded “the very same”.

“Holy shit! That was full yesterday” she exclaimed.

Octavia chose that moment to run through the front door and launch herself over the back of the sofa landing square between the girls already seated there almost sending Raven’s pie flying.

“What’s up bitches?” She said making her entrance well and truly known.

“Commander heart eyes ate all of Clarke’s animal crackers.” Raven stated as the younger girl wriggled around trying to get comfy.

“Really? All of them. There was like a whole pound in there”

“Yes all of them O and ‘Commander heart eyes’?” Clarke said as she turned to Raven seeking an explanation.

“Yeah. ‘cos you know her rugby team started calling her The Commander when she became captain and whenever she looks at you or even talks about you her eyes go all heart shaped and it’s gross and disgusting.”  She clarified.

“Right...Ok” Clarke mumbled making a mental note to check for heart eyes next time she saw Lexa.

“Did she seriously eat the whole bag?” Octavia questioned in an incredulous tone.

“Yes” Clarke and Raven replied

“Fuck me”

“Been there, done that, couldn’t find the t-shirt. high-five me princess” Raven shrieked as Octavia slapped her arm. Clarke just shook her head questioning why she was friends with these people.

“Back to the case in point. Raven, Octavia I need your help. We have to plan our revenge.”

“Nuh uh I’m out. Sorry Clarke but there’s only a certain number of times I’m willing to let your girlfriend throw knives at me. That number was zero and she has already surpassed it”

“Yeah I’m with O on this one Griffin it took me two weeks to fix my leg brace after she tackled me.”

“Firstly, O, she didn’t throw it at you and she only threw it after you spent three hours telling her that knife throwing was a useless skill in the modern world. And Raven I seem to recall that you were gloating about how quickly you could move with your new brace going so far as to bet Lexa a hundred dollars that she couldn’t take you down. Also O, don’t think I haven’t seen you on Youtube watching ‘How To Throw Knives’ videos.” Clarke pointed out to the two brunettes seated to her left  who looked rather sheepish.

Both grumbled in acknowledgement but after a bit more prodding agreed to help.

***

After comparing their schedules over the next few weeks Clarke discovered that the next day they both had the evening off was in thirteen days time, April the 17th. That would be perfect. Before she had chance to text Lexa herself though Raven grabbed her phone from her hand typing frantically before pressing send.

Clarke retrieved her phone a look of disgust growing on her face as she read Raven’s text.

**_“So seeing as I kind of screwed up yesterday do you want to try again on the 17th and do a year+2 week anniversary? You have the day off and I finish lectures at 5. :) XX”_ **

“Raven I don’t even text like..” she began but was interrupted by a ping from her phone indicating that Lexa had replied.

**_“That sounds good to me Clarke. Am I ok to cook round your’s again? L x”_ **

“What was that Princess?”

“Zip it Reyes.” Clarke said as she hit send on her reply. Raven grabbed her phone and read the text out loud.

**_“Of course :) I’ll Make sure R and O are out ;)”_ **

“Oh god my eyes there’s a winky face.” She covered her eyes in mock disgust then perked up “Wait does this mean I get another $50?”

“Raven!” Clarke exclaimed incredulous that Raven would ever charge Lexa to stay out the way.

“Wait she paid you?” Octavia shrieked.

“Got to get your head in the game Bake Jr”

“Oh my god” Clarke muttered burying her head in her hands. Why had she ever befriended these people she did not deserve this.

When Raven and Octavia finally finished bickering over their bribes or lack thereof the conversation switched once more to the mechanics of their plan. They had a rough outline of how the takedown would be carried out. All they required was three small cameras, a covert microphone and Lexa.

Raven could get hold of the three cameras from Monty. Two would be mounted above the stove one on the right and another on the left. The third would be concealed in a light fitting in the lounge overlooking the kitchen. The microphone would be hidden in the collar of one of Clarke’s shirts.

Clarke asked the question she was sure was on everybody’s mind. “Why does Monty have so much covert surveillance kit?”

“He’s developing a security system for his course. We can be his guinea pigs” Raven explained.

“That makes sense” Octavia and Clarke nodded thankful that there was a rational explanation.

***

The day had arrived. It was two weeks since Lexa had scoffed her cookies and the brunette had yet to mention it. If Clarke had had ever pitied her girlfriend for what was about to happen to her she didn’t anymore. That feeling had dissipated with every day that Lexa failed to own up to her actions. She well and truly deserved what was coming to her.

“Right I should get home at five thirty and Lexa should get here just after so I tell her I’m going to shower then what?”

“You shower. Because you stink” Octavia teased.

“You tell her that O is at Lincoln’s doing unspeakable things and that I’m god knows where”

“Hey I didn’t hear you complaining when it was you I was sleeping with.” Octavia responded.

“Yeah but we were only ever sex, I don’t really do all the gross mushy stuff. Besides I have your brother for that now” Raven said winking at Octavia.

“You said that only happened once” Octavia cried disgusted.

“It did but it still gets a great reaction.”

“Guys focus” Clarke shouted “Monty?” She asked turning to the boy stood next to them who was doing an excellent impression of a rabbit caught in headlights.

“Right. Well now I know more about you guys than I ever wanted to.”

“Focus. Monty” she cried exasperated.

“Ok. You make sure that she is stood in front of the stove because that’s where you get the best camera coverage.” Monty explained. “Then you press this icon on your phone” he said pointing to the red button on Clarke’s screen.

“And that starts the recording?”

“Yep” He grinned, eager to test his latest creation.

Step two was to sneak up on Lexa and snake her arms around her waist while kissing her neck and teasing her ear lobe. Riling her up as much as was safe to do so while she cooked.

“How did you even find out about the ear thing?” Octavia queried causing Clarke to blush when she recalled the night in question.

“Errr not sure really just kind of happened.” She stuttered remembering the gasp that each brush of her teeth elicited from her girlfriend.

“Earth to Clarke” Raven said snapping her fingers in front of Clarke’s eyes. “Try and keep the memory porn to a minimum Monty is far too ace for this.” She said pointing to the boy whose impression of a doomed rabbit was improving by the second.

Once Lexa was distracted from the cooking Clarke was to commence with stage three: The big reveal. Nobody was completely sure how that would go as it relied largely on Clarke improvising so that Lexa would turn round only to be met with the empty wrapper. The third camera in the lounge should catch her reaction. All of this would be monitored by Raven and Octavia who were under strict instructions to keep silent in Raven's room.

Monty checked each video feed and Clarke’s remote app before fitting the microphone into the collar of her favourite shirt. He explained that he would have stayed to watch the takedown, however he and Nathan had a date with The Walking Dead and takeout. He bid the girls farewell and wished them luck.

Clarke left not long afterwards for her afternoon lecture leaving Raven and Octavia three hours to set up the video link on her laptop.

***

The lecture turned out to be more interesting than expected as Professor Nyko spoke with passion about how herbal remedies had been incorporated into modern medicine. His enthusiasm for the subject helped to ease the nerves that were building in the pit of Clarke’s stomach. Part of her felt bad for what she was about to do to Lexa. Sure she deserved it, she was yet to apologise, or even mention it, but Clarke couldn’t help but feel guilty. After all it had been her that got home late and ruined dinner in the first place.

Eventually she reasoned that her lateness was unavoidable whereas Lexa could have made less of a pig of herself quite easily.

***

Clarke arrived back at her flat just in time to see Lexa disappearing inside weighed down by shopping bags.

She ran to catch up and they walked into her apartment together.

To Clarke’s relief Octavia and Raven were nowhere to be seen. As if reading her mind Lexa asked her where they had gone.

“Well Octavia is at Lincoln’s and Raven is covering her shift so that they can do ‘unspeakable things’ to each other.”

“So we have the apartment all to ourselves eh?” Lexa quipped suggestively.

“Yes but right now I need to go shower because I stink and you need to go cook so don’t even think about joining me”

Lexa stuck out her bottom lip in a pout and disappeared into the kitchen.

Clarke retreated to her room and removed her phone from her pocket only to reveal a flurry of texts from Raven. Most of which consisted of the ‘The Scream” emoji and “I’m going to throw up”. Clarke didn't even bother to respond as a another text this time from Octavia flashed up.

"You're right I can smell you from here :|"

Once showered Clarke changed into her royal blue tank top, the shirt with the hidden microphone and black skinny jeans. She picked the wrapper up off her chest of drawers and left her room pulling the door shut as quietly as she could manage.

Upon entering the lounge she pulled her phone from her pocket and pressed the big red button. A text from Octavia confirmed that recording had started on all three cameras and the microphone hidden in Clarke’s shirt collar.

She crept up behind Lexa who was leant over the stove the smell of bacon filling the small kitchen. God that smelt good. She reprimanded herself. Now was not the time to get distracted by food. That was the very reason that they had ended up in this situation in the first place.

Clarke placed her right arm around Lexa’s waist and leant her head against her shoulder receiving a face-full of thick brown hair for her troubles. How much hair did this girl have. Seriously there was so much of it. She bought her hand up and brushed the hair behind Lexa’s shoulder giving her access to her neck.

“Clarke Griffin has honoured us with her presence.” Lexa chuckled as Clarke took the edge of her earlobe between her teeth and pulled softly soothing it with her lips when she released. Clarke wasn’t listening to what Lexa was saying as she continued to press soft kisses along her neck distracting Lexa from the frying bacon in front of her.

Clarke could feel her breathing quicken and judged that it was her time to shine. She placed her hands over her girlfriend’s hips knowing that this would just increase the distraction. The hitch in Lexa’s breathing told Clarke that she was ready for the grand takedown. Moving her mouth level with Lexa’s ear She whispered. “I love you Lex. But if you ever eat all the frosted animal crackers again then we’re fucking done.”

She stepped back dramatically pulling the empty bag from her jeans pocket as Lexa turned to face her confusion written all over her face.

Clarke raised an eyebrow and smirked at the knowing blush that was steadily spreading from Lexa’s cheeks to her eyebrows.

Raven and Octavia chose that moment to burst from Raven’s room.

“Ha ha ha busted” Octavia yelled.

“Nice takedown Princess” Raven congratulated high fiving the blonde.

Lexa stood dumbstruck watching the commotion in front of her.

***

Later that evening after Octavia and Raven had both agreed to leave the couple in peace. the pair found themselves on the sofa watching the new series of  How To Get Away With Murder. They were both stuffed with pasta and chocolate tart leaving them barely able to move.

“You know considering you’re such a big fan of this show not to mention a Law student I would expect you to be better at covering up your crimes.” Clarke observed.

“Clarke there is a reason why I am training to be a Lawyer and not a career criminal” Lexa sighed.

Clarke looked up from where she was resting her head in Lexa’s lap. “I still can’t believe you managed to eat a whole bag of cookies”.

“Hey Blame Jake Peralta it was him ‘getting snacky’ that started this whole thing”.

"Lexa you cannot blame you being a pig on a fictional character." She said sitting up and wiping the guilty look from Lexa's face with a gentle kiss.

“Clarke, I think I might be too full for bed again” Lexa whispered giving Clarke a wink.

“Oh hell no Lexa Woods you and I are going to bed right now and no sleeping will be involved if I get my way” She said grabbing Lexa’s hand and dragging her from the sofa.

****  
  
  


 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading :)   
> Comments and Kudos are always great and make me do a happy wiggly dance (I've not slept for 28 hours)
> 
> Find me on Tumblr at theveryhornycaterpillar.tumblr.com


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is a bit late, I have been doing all sorts of weird and wonderful hours at work so was sleeping when I should have been updating/writing.  
> Just a warning for this chapter: Although the contents are pretty pivotal to the plot (yes there will be a plot. No I don't know what happened to this being a one-shot either) There are heavy mentions of alcohol, relapse and addiction. If you cannot or do not want to read this chapter then shoot me a message over tumblr or comment and I'll send you a summary without that content.  
> This warning also applies to the next few chapters.

Raven, Octavia and Clarke sat huddled on their sofa watching the tail end of a disaster movie. The acting was diabolical, but there were just enough explosions to keep the trio captivated. It was three days since Clarke had exacted her revenge against Lexa and thanks to Monty’s footage she wasn’t about to let her forget about the incident any time soon. Raven and Octavia would be leaving for work at the bar in ten minutes and with any luck Lexa would arrive soon after for dinner and TV night. 

The end credits began to roll leaving the girls in a post-movie daze until a thunderous knock at their door pulled them too. “I think that’s for you Clarke” Octavia said pushing the blonde off the sofa. Standing up she beckoned to a confused Raven to follow her into her room ignoring the puzzled expressions thrown her way.

“Where is Raven?” Lexa stormed into the flat leaving Clarke, eyebrows raised, holding the door open to an empty landing.  
"Hello beautiful girlfriend how are you today? I'm good Lex thanks for asking" Clarke mumbled shutting the door.  
“Reyes” Lexa demanded. “Reyes I know you’re in here” She yelled confronting the empty sofa

***

“Do you want to explain what the fuck is going on out there O?” Raven hissed at the brunette who was currently crouched behind her bed eying the door nervously.  
“Why the fuck am I on Vine Reyes?” Lexa’s muffled voice demanded.  
“What?” Raven turned her head to the smaller woman who was crouched beside her. “What the hell did you do O?” She asked as the door was flung open revealing an amused looking Clarke flanked by a snarling Lexa whose eyes could most probably burn through steel.  
“O, Ray, I should probably warn you now that Lexa is pissed and no I don’t mean drunk and hugging everyone in sight kind I mean the murdering kind.” Clarke said struggling to disguise the shake of her shoulders as she concealed laughter.

Octavia and Raven slowly emerged from behind the bed like startled deer. “Raven would you care to explain why there is video of my girlfriend being rumbled on Vine?” Clarke inquired hands on hips while Lexa stared the brunette down daring her to talk.  
Raven scrunched her eyebrows and frowned in confusion “What?”  
“You uploaded the video of Clarke and I ‘discussing’ the animal cracker issue and now it has a hundred thousand loops. Ring any bells?” Lexa snarled.  
Raven just stared back at the couple in front of her until something clicked. “Oh” She turned to Octavia quirking an eyebrow at the younger girl.  
“Er yeah Raven won’t have the answer to that” Octavia responded, all eyes switching their focus from Raven to her at the confession.

***

Clarke sensed Lexa’s bristling rage so put her arm across the doorway blocking the path to Octavia. She bit the inside of her lip trying to compose herself and not burst out in a truly inappropriate set of giggles. “I think we should all go and talk this out like adults.” She said finally losing the battle against her laughter and letting loose a snort through her nose.  
“Clarke” Lexa snapped.  
“Lex sofa now” she choked out between attempts to cease laughing.  
“In my defence I didn’t think it would go viral”. Octavia offered.  
Lexa considered launching herself at the girl but fortunately for Octavia she was their best scrum half. Therefore wouldn’t be much use if if Lexa broke both her legs however tempting though that may be. 

***

“Lexa breathe” Clarke instructed as she rubbed comforting circles on her girlfriend’s back. She was pretty sure that Lexa hadn’t exhaled for a good five minutes as she glared at Octavia jaw tensed and nostrils flared. Thinking about it, she hadn't blinked either. That would explain how she always won the staring contests.  
“So let me get this straight” Raven said turning to Octavia as she spoke. “You uploaded the video of Lexa getting busted to Vine using my account? Not cool Blake” She shook her head. Octavia looked crestfallen at her friend's revelation until she spoke again. “And by not cool I mean fucking brilliant” She said breaking into a wide grin and putting her hands up for a high five.  
“Not helping Raven”. Clarke pointed out increasing her grip on Lexa’s bicep as she felt her tense further ready to launch herself. Clarke hoped she wasn’t hurting her girlfriend but was fairly certain that her vice like grip was the only thing preventing Lexa from vaulting over the coffee table to get at the two girls stood behind it.  
Octavia broke her silence raising her head sheepishly. “As fun as this has been we really need to head off to work now Jaha hates it when people are late. See ya” With that she grabbed Raven’s arm and bolted from the flat the front door slamming behind them.

“I’m going to kill her” Lexa growled through clenched teeth.  
“No you’re not” Clarke released the grip she had on her girlfriend’s right arm and rubbed the red handprint that spread over her tattoo.  
Lexa looked up at Clarke meeting her eyes. “She cannot be trusted Clarke”  
The blonde rolled her eyes at her girlfriend's persistence “You can’t just kill everyone you don’t trust”.  
“Yes I can” Lexa responded flatly.  
“Well I won’t let you” Clarke said letting loose the small smile and bubble of laughter that she was holding back.  
“Clarke there is a video of me on Vine with ‘Mmmmm Whatcha Say’ playing in the background and it has a hundred thousand loops.” Lexa snapped.  
“That’s impressive” She replied nodding slightly.  
“Not the point Clarke.”  
“Hey look on the bright side you’re going to be famous” She cackled.  
“Clarke!” Lexa shouted unable to stop the upwards twitch of her lips caused by Clarke’s laughter.  
“Brooklyn Nine-Nine and Pizza?”  
“Yeah” Lexa sighed as the last of the tension left her body. She still wanted to murder Octavia but she wasn’t there so that would have to wait for later. Maybe she could use her as the stooge when she had to demonstrate tackles next session. 

***

The bar sat in the centre of town surrounded by restaurants and bars. Most of Clarke's friends had worked there at some point and Clarke herself often covered shifts when she wasn't drowning in textbooks. It probably helped that the owner was one of Abby's oldest friends.  
Thelonious Jaha had worked as a liaison between universities and the training hospital. He was ultimately responsible for not only all the junior doctors but also nurses, midwives and teaching staff at the hospital. He held this role for twenty years before the merger that left the colloquially named Ton D.C. university threatened with closure. Figuring that his job would soon be non-existent he took early retirement. He had received a healthy settlement and decided to follow his lifelong dream of owning and running his own business. The City of Light had a bar and restaurant with a cocktail menu that rivaled every other place in the city. 

Tonight the bar was packed with people eager to enjoy their Friday night despite the driving rain which they had to battle through on their way out. Raven and Octavia were rushed off their feet. Drinks orders flying at them from every direction.  
“I can’t believe your bloody boyfriend phoned in sick” Raven started. “He knew we had three parties booked tonight. Couldn’t he just have shoved a load of ibuprofen down his throat and staggered in?”  
“Raven don’t” Octavia muttered.  
“All I’m saying is I’m sure it can’t be so bad that he couldn’t dose up and show his face”  
Octavia dropped the glass she was holding the noise of it shattering met by a wave of cheers and hoots from customers. She glared up at Raven tears staining her cheeks then took off towards the back office.  
“Shit” Raven swore “Wells bar now” She shouted at the man stood by the kitchen hatch.  
“But I’m supposed to be waiting” he replied confused by Raven’s demands.  
“I don’t care. Bar . Now.” She reiterated throwing her glass cloth to him before turning and running after Octavia.  
Raven pushed the door to the office open and stepped inside. Octavia sat on the floor propped against the wall with her knees up covering her bowed face, sobs wracking her body.  
“Octavia?” It was unusual for Raven to see her friend like this. Sure she could be emotional and sometimes cute puppies would bring a tear to her eye but full out sobbing for no apparent reason was unusual. “Octavia are you ok?” Raven asked when the young brunette failed to respond. “Ok stupid question.” She muttered sliding down the wall so that she was sat next to her friend.  
Octavia looked up her makeup running, flushed away by rivers of tears. “Lincoln relapsed last night” She coughed breaking into a fresh set of sobs.  
Raven’s face dropped as she took Octavia’s head in her hands and bought it down to her shoulder wrapping her in a tight hug. “O I’m so sorry is he ok?”  
“He was checked out by the hospital but I have no idea. Indra phoned me on my break.” she gasped pressing herself into Raven’s shoulder trying to stop the shaking that took over her small frame.  
Raven knew that things must be bad if Indra had phoned her. Octavia’s relationship with her tutor was stunted at the best of times. The situation hardly helped by that the fact that she was dating her adopted son. They had a mutual respect for each other however there was little love lost between the pair.  
“He’ll be ok O he’s strong he can get through this.” she tried to reassure her friend.  
“You don’t know that Raven” Her voice took on a bitter edge. “I can’t lose him again not like last time”  
“Shhhh O you won’t. We’ll speak to Thelonious, he’ll let you finish early so you can go and see him.” she reasoned.  
Octavia glanced up eyes puffy and nose streaming. “I don’t know if I can.”  
“It’s fine He’ll understand. He might be a grumpy old git but he does care O” She continued rubbing her friend’s back as her breathing relaxed.  
“No, I’m not sure if I can see him like this again. I should have been there for him and I wasn’t and it could have killed him.”  
Raven’s eyes widened in surprise at her friends admission. “O you cannot blame yourself for any of this, none of it is your fault.” She said pulling the girl back into a tight hug as she tried to comfort her.  
“He needed me Raven and I wasn’t there even though I told him I always would be”

They remained in silence for some time. Raven stroking Octavia’s hair waiting for her crying to subside. Although she would never admit it to the younger girl she was scared; for her and for Lincoln. He had struggled with drinking throughout the first two years of college often blaming it on getting caught up in the party. It was only when he ended up in hospital spending three days in a medically induced coma after giving himself alcohol poisoning that he admitted to needing help. Octavia had been there for him throughout the last year supporting him every step of the way. She knew working at a bar had been a challenge for him at first, even if he was locked away in the kitchen. Wherever you looked there was always the constant presence of alcohol. Her mind wandered to what could have possibly caused him to relapse. The last time she had seen him two days ago he had been fine. What could possibly have happened between then and now? 

Octavia broke her silence answering Raven’s question before she even had a chance to ask it.  
“Anya, his cousin, was injured. They don’t know how bad yet because they’re keeping her under.”  
Raven sighed, she vaguely remembered dealings with the army sergeant. Lincoln was close to her as she had always been there for him since high school. However Raven, along with most other people found her terrifying to say the least.  
“He couldn’t take it when he found out so he went out and bought a bottle of whiskey. Indra came home and found him collapsed on the floor covered in vomit. I should have been there.” Her words came out in splutters and coughs.  
Whatever she said was going to be useless. Octavia had already placed the blame on herself and no amount of reasoning would change that while she was in this state but that didn't mean that she wouldn't try regardless. 

***

“You know I’m seeing the Diaz connection now especially after your little performance earlier!” Clarke said breaking into a wide grin when she saw the frown her comment caused Lexa to make.  
“Mockery is not the product of a strong mind Clarke”  
“Nor is devouring an entire bag of cookies Lexa.” She teased.  
Any further squabbles were drowned out as Lexa’s phone burst into song.  
Clarke raised an eyebrow “Really Lex? Shut Up And Dance?”  
“Mockery, Clarke” Lexa responded swiping the screen to answer the call. “Indra?”  
She listened for a few minutes occasionally nodding or shaking her head despite the fact that Indra couldn't see her, then ran to the counter grabbing her wallet and car keys. “No no I’ll be there right away” she hung up and jammed her phone back into her pocket.  
“What’s happened?” Clarke asked watching her girlfriend’s frantic movements.  
“Lincoln relapsed last night, Indra has to got out and get groceries but she doesn’t want him left by himself and he’s in no fit state to go with her. She didn’t know who else to call because Octavia is working and Gustus is visiting family in Boston.” She explained, bending down to tie up her laces. The cutting tone and concise wording she adopted whenever something bad happened worried Clarke.  
“Does Octavia know?”  
Lexa pursed her lips and nodded “Yes, Indra phoned her. I’ll be back when I can.”  
“I’m coming with you” Clarke said grabbing her shoes from the shoe rack.  
“You don’t have to do that Clarke.”  
Lexa’s deepened tone and squared shoulders reminded Clarke of the closed off girl she had met almost two years ago. She mentally begged Lexa not to shut her out again. “He’s my friend too” ‘Don’t you dare close down again’.  
“You may be better here Clarke” Lexa’s voice was flat and devoid of emotion.  
Clarke ground her teeth before hissing “I’m almost a fucking doctor Lexa let me look after him”.  
“Very well” the small incline of her head indicated her approval.

The drive to Indra’s house was silent, filled only with the tension caused by Lexa putting up walls around her heart.  
Clarke hated the barriers that were forming within her girlfriend. They had been there when they met and it took her what seemed like forever to break through them completely. She understood why she did it. Every time she let her walls down previously she had her heart broken. She struggled to express her emotions and as such forced them inwards. She understood but it didn’t make it any easier to watch the woman she loved shutting down in front of her.

***

Lincoln and Lexa had gone to the local high school together. Lexa had known him eight years and watched as he became an addict constantly refusing help from her or anyone else. When he had started recovery she had breathed a sigh of relief knowing that Octavia would be there to guide him through it. Part of Lincoln’s recovery had seen him become heavily involved in sport leading him to become a pivotal member of the coaching staff at her rugby club encouraged by his girlfriend. She may not always trust the younger woman but she had to admit that she was good for him. The changes she saw in him due to her were impressive to say the least.  
She had no idea what had caused him to drink the night before. He had been sober for thirteen months now and the last she heard he’d been doing well. Her questions were answered when Indra opened the door and recounted the phone call that she had received the night before. If Lexa wasn’t shaken before she certainly was now. Anya was Lincoln’s cousin and one of Lexa's closest friends. Her and Lexa had spent many nights looking after Lincoln together when he drank too much. She had been her captain when she started playing rugby at college and had guided her through some of the most important moments of her life. Upon the older girl's graduation she had handed the captaincy over to Lexa as her second. 

Finding out her friend and mentor had been blown up in the middle of a warzone causing another friend to relapse pushed Lexa over the edge and forced ice into her heart. Her blood ran cold as she took in the sight of Lincoln in front of her. The usually strong and cheerful man now sat hunched over a barely touched bowl of soup his eyes glazed. The sight of his massive frame stooped over like a small child who had just been scalded would have been comical had the circumstances been different. The situation was however very much real. Lexa struggled to look at the man she had known since childhood reduced to this state.

“Lincoln” Clarke said stepping forward and placing a comforting hand on his arm.  
She questioned why Clarke had to be here. Anger burnt through Lexa as she watched her girlfriend attempt to comfort the man. She tried to convince herself that she was angry with Anya for getting hurt. Angry with Lincoln for drinking. Angry with Octavia for not being in the right place at the right time and angry with Clarke for interfering but she failed.  
No matter how hard she tried she could not escape the suffocation. All the anger she felt was aimed at her. Teams were meant to look after each other and she had almost lost two of them in the space of twenty-four hours.  
The fact that she was helpless to prevent any of the unfolding events did not even cross her mind as she watched her world collapse into itself. This was the only way she knew how to protect herself and those around her when things got bad. She built her walls and forced herself not to feel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. I wasn't joking when I said that comments and Kudos make me do a happy wiggle (I get some weird looks on the bus) so any constructive criticism, spelling errors, general comments, random stories about the cute dog you saw chasing leaves. Anything. Leave it below or send me a message on tumblr at theveryhornycaterpillar.tumblr.com


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The same warnings from the previous chapter apply; alcohol and addiction. There's also some emotional Clexa stuff and a small amount of fluff, sort of.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry” Lincoln whispered only just loud enough for Clarke to hear. She continued to stroke his arm pulling out a chair from under the table so that she could sit next to him.

Lexa remained in the doorway powerless to move. She had lost too much already. Too many people around her had been hurt and she could do nothing. Seeing Clarke with Lincoln made her wish that she could comfort and reassure the boy when he needed it so much. She could never do what Clarke was doing. No matter how hard she tried she could not express empathy. Clarke made it look easy and in her head it all made sense but trying to show it felt like forcing raw potato through a sieve. Instead, she placed a facade around herself praying that if others saw her stoicism it would somehow reassure them that she had her shit together.

 

Clarke glared at Lexa while she tried to make Lincoln eat some of his soup. She knew that in Lexa’s mind if she blocked people out then they couldn’t hurt her and she couldn’t hurt them, even if the damage was already done.  Her girlfriend’s attempt to show strength when things got tough was to remain emotionless. Convincing others that it did not affect her. It made her a formidable leader and even more formidable in the courtroom but it left her isolated. Her friends and colleagues may care about her but when they had no idea that something was wrong in the first place they could do nothing to comfort her.  Few had ever been able to see through the facade, Clarke could and it made her angry. It caused Lexa pain so Clarke hated it.

***

Octavia returned to the bar once she had cleaned herself up and reapplied her make-up. She would rather be anywhere other than work right now but at least it kept her busy. If she was busy she didn’t have to think about Lincoln, about how she had let him down. About how she had let him down and how it could have killed him.

His liver couldn’t catalyse alcohol anymore. That had been explained to her during their meeting with the consultant when he was finally released from hospital. According to all the doctors it was a miracle he ever regained consciousness. He owed that to Clarke, they both did. Without her quick thinking he would have been dead by the time an ambulance reached them. Fortunately, Clarke had been quick to recognise that Lincoln was not just drunk; that something far more serious was happening. As soon as he collapsed she cleared his airways of the vomit he was choking on and started CPR. It was a debt that could never be repaid and Octavia knew that she had let more than just her boyfriend down that day.

 

The crowd in front of her fizzled away as they finished their drinks and moved on. She didn’t notice though. She didn’t notice anything until the music was switched off and the lights came on full. She blinked away the spots that danced over her vision and looked at her watch. It was just gone two in the morning and The City of Light was officially closed til the next afternoon. She felt a hand on the small of her back but just continued to stare straight ahead.

“Let’s get you home O” Raven said brushing her thumb up and down over the smaller woman’s spine.

***

Clarke had finally managed to convince Lincoln to eat something by the time Indra got home. She walked in carrying an array of stuffed shopping bags. “Thank you commander” She addressed Lexa who had moved to stand by Clarke.

Lincoln and Clarke shared a weak smile much to Lexa’s chagrin. The nickname that she had earned on the field would probably haunt her to her last breath. “Indra” she nodded. “Let us know if you need anything more.” Her voice was blunt and effective matching Indra’s stance. An onlooking stranger would have placed money on the two being vicious enemies however in truth the pair were virtually inseparable.

 

Indra looked after Lexa when there was nobody else to do so. She had been a second mother to Lexa and although she lacked in the maternal behaviour department she made up for it in ensuring her safety. When Costia had died Indra had been there making sure that others didn’t pry. When the university was faced with closure Indra had supported Lexa and her ‘Army’ in driving away the Mount Weather developers. When Clarke appeared Indra had been ready to kill her on the off chance that she would hurt Lexa’s feelings. The respect and love that ran between the pair was visible only to the few they let in but it was undeniably present.

 

Clarke and Lexa helped Lincoln to bed while Indra stayed downstairs unpacking the shopping. They were both angry with him for allowing himself to drink but both knew that however they felt the worst pain was that he would force upon himself. The guilt was written all over the way he held himself even more so in the way he spoke. “I fucked up” he muttered when Clarke placed a glass of water on his bedside table.

“Yes. That may be. However, it is done and now we move on” Lexa responded from the doorway, much to Clarke's surprise.

“You’ll get past this” Clarke said taking on a more sympathetic tone. “We all will”

“What if Octavia can’t? What if this is just too much for her? I can’t keep doing this to her.” He repeated the questions over and over until Clarke placed a soft hand on his shoulder and lowered herself to sit on the edge of the bed.

“Lincoln Octavia may be angry but she loves you and she knows that what you’re going through is difficult. She’s not going to abandon you.”   She tried to reassure the boy.  

Lexa stepped forward into the room joining Clarke by the side of Lincoln’s bed. “Clarke is right. Octavia will help you. She may be scared of losing you and she may be hurt but she is a good person even if she does make some poor decisions.” Lexa aimed her glare at Clarke with the last few words that fell from her mouth.

Clarke was well aware of the poor decision to which Lexa was referring but chose not to comment. “I’ll bring Octavia round with me tomorrow morning Lincoln ok?” He nodded and turned away. Clarke shooed Lexa out of the room and turned the lights off closing the door behind her.

They drove back to their apartment along deserted roads praying that everything would be alright in the morning.  

***

Raven and Octavia were still at work when the couple arrived home. They turned on the lights in the lounge and Lexa walked through to the kitchen grabbing two cans of soda from the fridge.

Clarke  perched on the edge of the sofa, arms resting on her knees, hands clasped in front of her. She thanked Lexa for the can that she handed to her and turned to watch her girlfriend sit down beside her. “Let me in Lexa” she pleaded “Please”.

Lexa lifted her head inhaling deeply shutting her eyes and breathing out as she lowered her head. “I can’t do that Clarke” she pursed her lips taking in another drawn out breath through her nose.

Clarke could see tears on the brink of falling from Lexa’s eyes. She placed a hand on her upper back hoping to reassure her but instead she just felt Lexa tense beneath her fingertips. “Lexa please talk to me” she begged. “I know you and Anya were close” she tried.

A small shiver ran through Lexa at the mention of her mentor’s name.

“You don’t have to pretend that this doesn’t affect you. I know that sometimes you struggle to say how you feel but please try”. Clarke let her hand fall back down in front of her giving Lexa the space she needed.

“I don’t know how” Lexa responded after a long pause. “I don’t know how because I can feel all of this but I don’t know how to say it”. She looked over to Clarke as her first tears began to fall.

Clarke took her left hand between her own “is this ok?” she asked being met with a shaky nod from Lexa. She ran a thumb over the back of Lexa’s hand soothing the girl. “However you feel just say it. It doesn’t matter if it makes sense to you in your head or when you say it out loud just say it to me”. She said as she wiped away tears that were falling from the brunette’s eyes. “ok?”.

Lexa nodded and sniffed as she looked up to meet eyes with Clarke. “Anya was always there for me. When I went through shit at school. She was there when I was a terrified freshman. She helped me look after Lincoln. She took me under her wing and taught me everything about surviving in this fucked up world and now I might never see her again. I let her go out there without even talking to her for months and now I might never get the chance to thank her”. Tears continued to fall as Lexa spoke in gasps.

Clarke kept her grip on her hand hoping that the minimal contact was enough to reassure but not overpower. “Anya is fucking tough Lexa. If anybody can pull through this then it’s her. She will know you're grateful. Just like I know without you saying it. She knows you love her”.

“What about Lincoln? Can he go through all  that again? I can’t be there for him like Anya was I don’t know how to help him. I don't know what to say or how to make it better or how to stop him hurting Clarke”. She rambled. Words falling out at scattered intervals.

“Lexa, he has Octavia, Raven, Bellamy, all of us. We will all help him get through this. You don’t have to do any of this alone I will be there for you”. She tightened her grip on Lexa’s hand. “Even if you don’t want to talk I am always here Lex. You don't have to talk about everything all the time but please don't feel you need to ever hold back around me because you don’t know how to say something. I will always try to understand what you are telling me and, yes, sometimes it takes a while but that’s not your fault. You can’t help your brain being wired a bit differently to mine. Please don’t shut me out because of this, let me help you”.

“Thank you Clarke” Lexa shut her eyes and let her shoulders relax. She had no idea how Clarke could calm her down and explain things in a way that she could understand but in that moment she was glad that she could.

***

The front door slammed shut waking the two girls on the couch from their slumber. They glanced over the back of the sofa to see Raven leading a morose Octavia towards the smaller girl’s room.

A few minutes later Raven exited the room alone and made her way towards the lounge where she found Clarke absentmindedly playing with Lexa’s hair as she lay tucked into Clarke’s side having fallen back asleep.

“How is she?” Clarke questioned keeping her voice low so as not to wake her sleeping girlfriend.

Raven sighed before answering, “Not great to be honest. She thinks she let him down. How’s Commander Heart Eyes?”

Clarke let out a small chuckle at the nickname her flatmates insisted on giving Lexa. “She’s scared. She’s scared of losing Anya and Lincoln but she’ll be alright. She know’s we’re here for her”.

“You managed to get all that out of her?” Raven questioned raising her eyebrows in surprise.

Clarke nodded lightly, “Most of it. Eventually. You know she can’t help it Ray”.

“I know” She replied exhaling heavily nodding her understanding. “I’m going to bed now, I think we should take O to see Lincoln first thing tomorrow morning so she can stop blaming herself for this shitstorm”.

“Good plan. I knew I kept you around for something” Clarke teased winking at the brunette.

Raven feigned hurt as she turned her back and left the room “That was low Princess. That was low”.

 

Lexa began to stir as Raven thudded to her room. The mechanical engineer may be one of the smartest people she had ever met but she had all the grace and elegance of a baby elephant. Quiet was not a word in the vocabulary of Raven Reyes as proven by the banging and crashing that currently emanated from her room.

Clarke felt the hair beneath her fingers move and shift as Lexa raised her head from her side gazing into her eyes. The vibrant greens that usually lay there were muted and grey by the sadness she was feeling. She helped Lexa stand up and pulled her into a tender embrace whispering assurances as they rested their foreheads together.

Lexa pressed a kiss to Clarke’s forehead as she drew back. “Thank you Clarke”.

They walked to Clarke’s room, hands intertwined, changed, and got into bed in silence. Neither sure of what to say.

Clarke was the first to break the silence. She lay facing Lexa whose face had buried itself in her shoulder, tracing her fingers over the tattoo on her upper arm she asked: “We’re going to take Octavia to see Lincoln tomorrow morning do you want to be there?”

“Yes” Lexa nodded against Clarke.

“Please promise me that you won’t hurt Octavia I know she might not be your favourite person at the moment after the whole Vine thing but this is going to be hard for her. Ok?”

“Octavia has nothing to fear from me” She responded. “I cannot guarantee how true that will remain once this blows over however”.

Clarke gave her arm a gentle slap. “How did you even find the video? I thought you didn’t do Vine”.

“I don’t, they consume six seconds that I could spend doing something worthwhile”. Lexa replied before burrowing further into Clarke’s neck to hide her blush. “Jasper showed it to me”.

A small squeak snuck out of Clarke as she shook with laughter imagining the floppy haired boy braving the wrath of The Commander.

“It is not funny Clarke. What if somebody recognises me in court?” Lexa looked up her eyes sincere.

“Oh my god” Was all Clarke managed before she collapsed into another set of giggles.

Lexa drew back “Clarke!”

“I’m sorry” Clarke said trying to curb any further laughter.

“You are still laughing Clarke!”

Clarke bit down on her top lip sucking in deep breaths in a vain attempt to regain her composure. “I’m sorry I’m just imagining your face if that happened and pppppffftttttt”. She buried her face into the pillow causing the entire bed to shake beneath her.

“Clarke!” Lexa shouted beginning to see the funny side of her predicament herself the more she watched the blonde laugh. She broke into a wide grin as she leant back towards Clarke and placed her hands on her waist. Lowering her head to Clarke’s ear she whispered “Clarke”. Her girlfriend’s laughter ceased almost immediately when she felt hands on her waist and lower back. As soon as the bed stopped moving Lexa moved her fingers in rapid patterns causing the newly calm blonde to squeal and writhe beneath her. Lexa moved to straddle Clarke’s hips pinning her to the bed face down as she continued her torment. She leant forward to Clarke’s left ear once more but her whispering was cut short as Clarke’s head shot up and pain radiated from her nose through to the back of her head. She grunted falling backwards freeing Clarke from beneath her.

“Oh my god Lex I’m so sorry, I didn’t realise how close you were are you ok?” She panicked grabbing at the hands that Lexa was using to clutch her face. finally removing the hands she gasped. “Holy shit that’s a lot of blood” She stated, taking in the mess she had made of her girlfriend’s face.

Blood ran from her nostrils and a cut on her upper lip. She could feel it and she could taste it but the pain from her nose was making her teeth hurt and pinching the bridge of her nose proved even more painful. This was very much not how she envisioned that particular situation ending.

Clarke grabbed her hand pulling her up off the bed and leading her into the bathroom positioning her over the sink tipping her head forward and squeezing the bridge of her nose. “I don’t think it’s broken if that helps?”

Lexa glared at Clarke out the corner of her eye. “That does not help Clarke”. She snapped unable to hide the small smile that the other girls concern brought to her face. “Does that mean I won’t have any bruises to show off?” Her tone  filled with mock disappointment.

“Hold your nose and I’ll get the ice” Clarke instructed shaking her head in disbelief. Her girlfriend was far too fond of showing off her injuries from rugby she really didn’t need any more excuses. "The ice will stop the bruising so no black eyes for you I am afraid"

"Oh well". A suggestive smirk spread over Lexa’s face as she brought her own hand up to pinch her nose replacing Clarke’s. “Ice eh?”

“You are hot and ice is fun but you are also covered in blood. Sorry Lexa but whilst the first two may be turn ons the third most certainly is not”.  She turned and left the room leaving Lexa to admire her reflection in the mirror.

The blood dripping from her nose had virtually stopped, although, with the vice like grip that Clarke had had on it that was hardly surprising. It was a wonder that her whole nose hadn't fallen off. Her lip was no longer bleeding however it was beginning to swell pushing it outwards. It was hardly the most impressive injury she had ever had. Instead it just made her look like a dog that had attempted to eat a bee.

"So we have no ice but... we do have peas" Clarke skipped back into the room holding the makeshift icepack up in triumph.

Lexa sighed and rolled her eyes. "Clarke I do not like peas and they are nowhere near as fun as ice".

The blonde tutted before speaking.  "Lexa I already explained the turn on, turn off situation. Besides I'm not asking you to eat the peas I am merely going to rub them all over your face". Her laughter was met with a groan of disappointment from the brunette spurring her on as she forced the bag of peas wrapped in a tea towel towards her face.  

Lexa resigned herself to the frozen pea treatment as she reluctantly accepted the bag from Clarke holding it to her face.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun story: I wrote the ending for this chapter almost three weeks ago. Last week one of my friends came up behind me and tried to hug me. Fortunately no blood, however, one very annoyed friend. This fic better not become a self-fulfilling prophecy because shit's going down.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's quite a graphic description of a panic attack towards the end of the chapter so if you think that may cause you problems please shoot me a message and I'll send you a summary.   
> Again with the panic attack scene; I am very much aware that this is not how everybody experiences and/or deals with them.   
> This is also the longest chapter so far and was going to be much longer, but I split it into two. 
> 
> There is some fluff and Raven is a sarcastic little shit throughout.

The four girls awoke early the next morning despite not having gone to bed til past midnight. There was a sombre atmosphere filling the apartment as they all roamed around the flat in silence preparing breakfast that would most likely go uneaten. Raven was the first to break the silence that surrounded them, her usual tact shining through as always. “I know you two like it rough occasionally, I mean I’ve had to listen to it enough times. But is there a reason your girlfriend’s face looks like she’s gone twelve rounds with a pissed off gorilla?” She asked Clarke,  pointing to the split lip and swollen nose of her girlfriend.

Lexa touched her nose tentatively inspecting the bruising that had spread while she slept as Clarke opened her mouth to respond only for Lexa to interrupt her. “There was an incident involving the back of Clarke’s head and my face” Lexa stated flatly.  

“Oh and we need some more peas” Clarke added.

Raven picked up her bowl huffing something about Lexa stealing all the food and starving them out. This raised a chuckle from Octavia who sat staring into her bowl of soggy cornflakes doing her best to ignore the other elephant in the room.

Once the remainder of their breakfasts was cleared away the four traipsed down to Clarke’s car. Raven called shotgun so she had more room to manoeuvre her leg.  Lexa sat in the back next to Octavia unsure of how to comfort the girl who looked close to tears. Opting for placing a hand on the smaller girl’s shoulder, she attempted to reassure her. She only hoped that if she could convince  Octavia that it would be ok then maybe she could convince herself.

 

***

 

Lincoln awoke with his head pounding and his stomach turning somersaults. He could hear Indra moving around downstairs and the smell of pancakes that wafted up the stairs informed him that she was making breakfast. Despite his current situation, he let out a small laugh. Indra had a natural talent for cooking, but it was a skill she chose to utilise rarely. Those close to her were sworn to secrecy for fear that she would be inundated with requests to bake cakes by her colleagues.  

He walked into the kitchen and Indra turned to face him. “Octavia is coming round soon. you need to eat then shower and get changed” Lincoln nodded in response. Indra handed him a plate with three pancakes, banana, blueberries and syrup as he sat down at the table.

They both knew that today would be difficult to say the least, but neither wanted to be the first to acknowledge it.

Finally, Indra spoke. “She will be scared and she may be angry. She may not understand, however, she loves you and she will forgive you Lincoln”.

Lincoln thought about those words, mulling them over and over in his head as he shifted the last pancake around his plate. How could Octavia forgive him after what he had done? He could have died. He was selfish and he was stupid.

“I would not blame her if she could not forgive me” He whispered too quietly for Indra to hear.

Once he resolved that the third pancake would remain uneaten and that there was no point in pushing it around any further, he discarded his plate on the side. He thought he ought to shower before the guests arrived or risk scaring them away. Personal hygiene hadn't exactly been his top priority the last couple of days and it surprised him that Indra had yet to comment on the aroma that surrounded him.

The water pulsed against his skin. He tried to focus only on the sensation of the water and the steam surrounding him ignoring the fog swirling around his head. He had let everybody who had ever helped him down. He couldn’t understand how any of them could ever forgive him. He could lose everybody because of his own stupidity. Because he got scared of losing Anya so he threw everything to the side and did the one thing he thought would stop the pain he felt.  Only it didn’t stop the pain. Instead of numbing the fear he felt it just multiplied so now he faced not only with the fear of losing Anya but the fear of losing everybody he had ever loved. He could lose everything because he had betrayed them. He was a traitor to those who loved him. A traitor to his people.

***

Clarke parked up opposite Indra’s house and looked back to find Lexa holding Octavia into her side stroking her hair. They made eye contact and Lexa gave her a weak smile before turning to Octavia informing her that they had arrived.

Raven shuffled out of the car readjusting her brace when she stood up in a vain attempt to distract herself. She had built the brace herself. It fit perfectly. It never needed adjusting, but any distraction was welcome right now.

All four stood together staring across the road at the detached house. Clarke took Lexa’s hand in her own giving the brunette an encouraging nod. Behind them, Raven slung her arm over Octavia’s shoulder squeezing her tight. Her actions both stopping her from running away and reassuring the younger girl.

***

The knock on the door drew Indra away from her daydreaming as she washed up. She snatched the towel from the radiator and dried her hands. Lincoln had been her son for twelve years. She had almost lost him once and she would be damned if she ever let him go again. There was no way that she could have known the impact that Anya getting hurt would have on him. The pair were like siblings so she should have guessed that this could have happened, but she thought he was past this. He had been to every counseling session, every AA meeting, every single step of recovery and he showed no sign of looking back. She thought he would be alright, upset but safe. How wrong she had been. The phone call she had received that morning looped in her mind while she figured out a way of breaking the news to Lincoln.

***

Lincoln heard the door open and Indra greeting their guests in her usual formal manner. Smiling to himself as he heard the rigidity of her voice echoing up the stairs. It was as if she was greeting these people for the first time at a formal gathering instead of greeting people she had known for years. Greeting them because of him, he blinked the sudden burning sensation from his eyes while his mind screamed ‘you fucked up!’ and, ‘they will never want to see you again'. “Enough.” He spat out clenching his jaw and sucking air through his teeth attempting to banish all thoughts from his head. He looked himself up and down in the mirror checking he looked presentable enough in his faded jeans and light grey shirt. When satisfied he made his way downstairs barely stepping off of the bottom step before he found himself forced backwards by Octavia. The girl bowling into him and gripping him in a bruising hug. “Don’t ever scare me like that again” the small brunette sobbed into his chest. He lowered his hands from where he had thrown them up in surprise and placed them on the girl’s back.

Clarke, Raven and Lexa shuffled around the obstruction in the hallway and into the kitchen. They found Indra staring at the couple her eyes shining with tears and a hint of hope.

“I haven’t told him yet”. She said still looking straight ahead.

Lexa’s mind screamed the worst at her telling her that Anya was gone. That she would never see her again.  Clarke noticed her distress and grasped her hand while she took rapid, shallow breaths attempting to slow her racing heart. She swallowed down the queasy feeling that hit the back of her throat while her eyes stung as they dried out. If she allowed herself to blink then tears may fall and she would not allow that to happen. Not now. Not here.

“Told him what?” Raven queried

“Anya is being flown home next week” Indra replied.

“She’s ok?” Clarke blurted unable to stop herself as she squeezed Lexa’s hand tighter conveying her feeling of hope.

Indra Closed her eyes and took a deep breath as she raised her head. “She is alive”

All three looked to each other then back to Indra. They knew there was more to this story but did not want to push an explanation before she was ready to continue.

***

As soon as Octavia laid eyes on Lincoln relief flooded through her. He looked pale and shaken but he was standing and he was there in front of her. All the fear of seeing him dissipated when she rushed forward to tackle him in a crushing embrace. Sobbing into the taller man’s chest as he squeezed her shoulders pulling her further against him. She felt his chin resting on the crown of her head as he relaxed into the hug; his chest shaking with stunted whimpers. “I’m so sorry. I’m so so sorry”. Octavia silenced his apologies pulling her head back and placing a kiss on the top of his head as he bowed his neck. 

“I know”. She said forcing him back into the tight hug. “I know”.

The couple remained comforting each other in silence for several minutes. Finally, their breathing calmed and they drew apart. Octavia placed her hands on Lincoln’s shoulders. “You ready to see the others?” She queried looking into his eyes. He nodded once before straightening himself out holding his head high. They walked into the kitchen hand in hand, Octavia thanking the gods for her boyfriend’s strength.

Lincoln thanking the gods that he had found strength in Octavia.

***

“Wondered when you two would be joining us” Raven laughed trying her best to hide her fears beneath sarcasm. After all that’s what she did best. When things got tough she made jokes. To strangers, it made her appear heartless and morbid but those who knew her were well aware that the more inappropriate her comments the more terrified she was. In Raven’s mind if she could laugh about it then things couldn’t be too bad. Even as she lay dying with Murphy’s bullet in her spine she had cracked jokes. It was just what she did and today was no different. “I was about to send a military rescue mission to go find you” She looked around to find Clarke glaring at her. Realising what she had said, she cringed. Even by her standards that was bad. “Oh. Yeah... sorry”.

“We were just discussing Anya”. Indra stated when Lincoln and Octavia settled leaning against the breakfast bar.  “She is being flown home next week” She continued keeping a close eye on Lincoln’s reactions. So far he had just taken a deep breath and tensed his jaw awaiting her further input. “She is alive, she is stable and she is conscious” Indra paused “She sustained serious damage to her legs and one of her arms. They operated, but the damage to her legs was too bad for them to repair. They were given no option but to amputate. She will have to learn to walk again, with prosthetics. provided the damage is not so bad that she cannot use them". The group in front of her all stared taking a deep breath while she struggled to maintain her composure. “We all need to be there for her. I know this will be hard and as you are all  aware Anya dislikes, being helped”. Lincoln and Lexa turned to each other with dry smiles.

There had been many incidents in the past involving a stubborn Anya and exasperated friends trying in vain to help her do something. Her usual response was “I am a warrior” or some other similar rebuttal. She may have been an excellent team player, but that hinged solely on her being the leader of said team. Anya may be able to take orders, but accepting help was not something that she did willingly if at all.

Clarke had also seen her fair share of Anya’s fire. Their first meeting was marred by them declaring war on each other. It was shortly after her university merged with Clarke's meaning a new intake of Science and Medicine students. Most seen as invaders by students at the previously Humanities and Law only D.C. University.  Despite their differences, the pair had become allies by the time Anya graduated. Clarke had met Lexa because of her. Although she had never seen the two together, the stories Lexa told painted a clear picture. Clarke could not imagine Anya taking kindly to being mothered by the group. The part of her that still feared Sergeant Webb quaked in its boots at the thought of her reaction. Still, Anya was Lexa’s closest friend and mentor so however terrified of her she would help for Lexa’s sake.

“We’ll have a right team if we carry on like this; What with my leg and her legs and Commander stim-a-l…”. Raven was interrupted by Clarke shouting her name and throwing a glare that could put Lexa to shame her way.  Lexa looked down to find her right hand rattling against her leg in jerky movements that she had virtually forgotten were happening. "I'm just saying that we're a bunch of malfunctioning misfits. OW!" she shouted when Clarke gave her arm a sharp slap increasing the intensity of the evils aimed at her.

The others in the kitchen, bar Lexa, smiled at their exchange. Whenever there was a crisis you could rely on Raven and Clarke to lift the mood, albeit unintentionally.

***

Raven, Clarke and Lexa left around noon so that they could get ready for work that evening.  This required giving Clarke a refresher on the drinks she was required to make while she covered Octavia’s shift.   Lincoln had also been due to work that evening, so Lexa had gone back to her flat and now found herself sorting through every drawer in her bedroom. Trying in vain to find the ill-fitting chefs trousers that she had last worn on New Year's Eve.  She had only ever worked a handful of shifts at The City of Light, but the menu hadn't changed since she last worked the kitchen.

Before she came to university she had taken a year out.  Most of which she spent working and training in kitchens. This was so she would have some money to help her through the parts of university life that weren’t covered by her scholarship. The uniform wasn’t compulsory but if training in Law had taught her anything it was that appearances were just as important as your actions. She didn’t necessarily agree with the implications of that sentiment however it was true and she like to look the part.

She swore under her breath as she piled clothes back into the last drawer she checked. She had found her checkerboard trousers,  but the white jacket still evaded her. She racked her brain trying to remember where she might have left it. That jacket was the last birthday present she had received from Costia before she had been killed in a snowboarding competition. It was one of the few remaining items that she had kept from their relationship. Everything else hurt too much to look at. But the chef’s whites with her initials embroidered above the pocket were one of her prize possessions. Dark clouds seeped into her mind as she considered the possibility that she had lost them for good. “No”. She whispered opening the first drawer again and pulling out every item. “No” she shouted this time. She couldn’t lose them. They were the one thing she had.

Aside from a few photos on Facebook that uniform was the only thing she kept to remind her of Costia. The only thing that reminded her of times spent together baking. Before the fight about her safety. Before she competed regardless.  Before the 'Ice Queen' drove her from the track and off of the cliff. Before Lexa received that phone call from the organisers. Before she forced herself to stop caring about everything and everyone. Before she vowed never to love again.

She pulled items from the drawers at random until they were all empty.  Tears rushed down her face dropping down onto her heaving chest. Her floor was strewn with clothes, but there was still no sign of her jacket.  “Lexa? Lexa shhh it’s ok” Clarke crouched down in front of her kneeling girlfriend. She pulled her up and helped her sit down on the side of the bed so that she could stand in front of her. Her breathing was coming in short, sharp gasps, fear filling her eyes. “Lexa I need you to breathe with me ok?” She said, placing her girlfriend’s shaking hands on her own ribcage and taking a deep breath in waiting for her girlfriend to follow suit.

She attempted to follow Clarke’s inhale but tears caught on the back of her throat and she collapsed into a coughing fit her hands dropping from Clarke’s sides as she bolted  to her bathroom. Collapsing to her knees in front of the toilet, she heaved several times while Clarke held back her hair.  The blonde whispered words of reassurance into her ear and rubbed circles between her shoulders struggling to stay calm herself.

Lexa felt like she was drowning. However hard she tried no air was getting into her lungs. The feeling of nausea would not pass and the dry heaving was causing intense pain to tear through her abdomen. Her lungs burned and her diaphragm spasmed while she fought to remain in control. Eventually, she slumped back into Clarke who had situated herself behind her, arms clutching her aching stomach, her entire body shaking.

Clarke wrapped her arms around Lexa’s waist fighting to keep her girlfriend as upright as possible so as to ease her laboured breathing. “Lexa” She whispered softly. “I need you to concentrate on the feeling of me breathing. Can you do that?” Lexa nodded,  sucking in air between shudders. Clarke took a deep breath in, pausing for a couple of seconds before she exhaled. She repeated her exaggerated breathing until she felt Lexa’s shivers cease and her breaths even out. Clarke moved her left hand up to the top of her arm giving it a tight squeeze. “Can you stand up?” She asked, relieved when Lexa started to shuffle away allowing the pair to stand. Ideally Clarke would have stayed put for a lot longer allowing Lexa to recover before they had to move. However, the tiled floor and the weight of her girlfriend had cut off the blood flow to her feet which were fast becoming numb. She stood cautiously, her movements rewarded by pins and needles shooting up her lower legs causing her to stagger. Doing her best to maintain balance. Clarke wrapped an arm around Lexa’s shoulders allowing her to lead the girl back to her room and not fall herself in the process.

Lexa noticed her girlfriend’s awkward stumbling and placed a hand around Clarke’s waist. The dizziness and nausea had passed, but Lexa still felt weak and shaky so she was glad when Clarke lowered the pair of them onto her bed after navigating around the islands of discarded clothes that littered her floor. “I am sorry Clarke..”

“You don’t need to apologise Lexa”. Clarke hushed her bringing her head up so that their foreheads rested against each other. “Has something happened?” Clarke asked, not wanting to push Lexa to speak before she was ready.

“I cannot find my jacket”. It sounded so stupid. She took a deep breath closing her eyes to stop the tears threatening to fall so that she could continue. “The one that Costia gave to me”.

Clarke placed her hands on Lexa’s cheeks wiping away the tracks that the tears had left as they ran their course. “Lexa I’ve got it, It’s in the car”. Relief flooded the brunettes features as the tension faded. She opened her eyes meeting the sharp blue of Clarke’s. “You left it at ours when we all worked New Year’s Eve” she reminded her.

“I’m an idiot” Lexa murmured bowing her head, too ashamed to look at the blonde’s pitying eyes any longer.   

Clarke lifted her chin so she could place a gentle kiss between Lexa’s eyebrows. “No. No you’re not I should have texted you. I know how important it is to you".

***

Raven had been sat in the car outside of Lexa’s flat for far longer than it should take Clarke to fetch her girlfriend.  The tapping of her good foot against the footwell grew as her patience decreased. She would give them five minutes then she was going in.  Part of that resolution worried her having never been fully able to wipe the memory of the couple on the sofa, butt naked, from her mind. Surely they wouldn’t be having sex at a time like this, she mused, knowing full well that Clarke and Lexa would still act like teenaged rabbits in the middle of a war zone. They had met during the year of occupations and protests after all. What else did people expect?

The five minutes came and went. Raven swung open the car door and stepped out considering whether having to spend the night washing up as a punishment for arriving late was worth gambling her remaining sanity to avoid.

The door to Lexa’s flat was unlocked allowing her to walk right into the flat without having to pick any locks. Although this made her task easier Raven was slightly bitter about the missed opportunity to practice breaking and entering.

One of her favourite past times over the last year had been breaking into friend’s flats unannounced. Then lecturing them on how easy it was to break in. So far the police had only been called once but that was largely due to it being three in the morning, her being drunk, and the guy she was sleeping with living next door to the flat she had just broken into. In fairness, she was just as surprised to see an eighty-two-year-old wielding a baseball bat as he was to see her.  Maybe more so.

Walking down the narrow corridor that opened out into the living room Raven was worried by the lack of her friend’s presence. If they weren’t in the living room then it meant that they were in Lexa’s bedroom. That normally meant one thing and one thing only.

 

With every step she took towards Lexa’s room Raven regretted her decision even more; suddenly washing up didn’t seem so bad. If they were in there at least they were being quiet she mused as she placed her hand on the door. Pushing forward she shouted: “I swear to god if you two are fuc..” the door opened to reveal a red, puffy eyed Lexa, piles of clothes coating the usually immaculate floor and Clarke perched on the edge of the bed her left arm around Lexa’s shoulders. Raven opened and shut her mouth several times trying to figure out what was happening in front of her. After a solid twenty seconds of her doing a decent impression of a goldfish whilst Clarke and Lexa stared at her waiting for a witty remark she spoke. Gesturing down the hall with her hands. “I’m just going to.. er .. go wait in the car.. then…” She trailed off, spinning around and shutting the door behind her.

All of a sudden walking in on your friends going at it didn't seem so bad after all. Dealing with the couple’s emotional distress was not Raven's strong suit so she left them to it. She climbed back into the passenger seat and pulled out her phone shooting a text to Wells.

_**"May be late for prep but will be there by open. C+L too. Sorry :/ Tell your dad not to kill us pls"** _

Thelonius was a fair man, but that didn't mean that the three of them wouldn't be on washing up duty all week. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kinda fluffy. Kinda angsty. Raven gets shit sorted.

They watched the bedroom door shut behind Raven and a few seconds later heard the front door click indicating that they were now alone in the apartment.

Lexa was the first to break the shocked silence. “I was expecting something far more scathing if I’m completely honest”. This brought a smile to Clarke’s lips as she squeezed her shoulder tighter.

“You and I both know that Raven doesn’t do crying. Unless it’s Octavia, and even then… Yeah, she’s just bad with emotional people”. Clarke laughed remembering times when she was upset and Raven responded with a pat on the shoulder or an offer to get the tissues whilst somebody else dealt with her. “Besides, I think she expected to barge in on us going at it so at least we know how to shock her into silence now”.

Lexa laughed at Clarke’s analysis. That could indeed be useful information for the pair to know. “I do not aim to have a panic attack each time you wish for your friends to cease talking Clarke. You must plan better than that”.

“You could always just cry a little. Besides, plans don’t last very long in battle Lexa you of all people should know that”. Clarke winked, laughing at the shocked expression on her girlfriend's face caused by  using her own line against her. “Looks like I’ve learnt how to shock two people into silence tonight. I win this battle”.

Lexa frowned trying to think up a suitable reply. “Sometimes you must concede a battle to win a war” She stated, attempting to sound confident.

“What?” Clarke raised an eyebrow “was that?” Her shoulders began to shake with laughter.

“It was the best I could come up with at short notice Clarke” Lexa explained. She looked at the clock that hung over the door, “speaking of which we have twenty-three minutes with which to get to work and the drive takes seventeen”.

Clarke had almost forgotten Lexa’s need to time journeys or segments of journeys. While it was undeniably useful, the length of time that she could preserve the information for was unnerving. “You last worked there four months ago, how do you even? Nevermind. Are you sure you’re ok to go? I can phone Jaha and I’m sure we can cope”.  

“I am fine Clarke. We need to go. Raven hates washing up and the customers will be hungry”.  Lexa shoved her trousers into her backpack and walked out of the room shortly followed by Clarke.

***

Octavia and Lincoln sat together on the couch in the living room. There was a movie playing on the TV, but neither were paying enough attention to establish anything other than the lead actor being incredibly attractive. Indra had sat in the room with them for a few minutes before it became clear that the pair needed some time alone to talk things through.

Twenty minutes later the film ended. Little conversation had been made apart from acknowledging each other's comments regarding the comparative hotness of each cast member.

Octavia curled deeper into Lincoln’s side. Bringing her feet around and bending her knees so that she was half sitting, half laying. “Please tell me you’re not going to break up with me again because of this”. She wrapped her arms around his muscular arm and rested her cheek on his shoulder.

Shortly after Lincoln left the hospital the first time around he had told Octavia that she deserved better,  then stopped speaking to her completely.  Lincoln had been scared of hurting the younger girl and even more scared of her brother, Bellamy. So he left. He left and made himself feel better by sleeping with Penn who had been his friend since elementary school.

At the same time, Octavia made herself feel better by seeking solace and sleeping with Raven. For all four it had been nothing more than a comfort, a bit of fun.  Something to take their minds off the facts that their lives were crumbling in front of them. However, it was clear that Octavia and Lincoln both still had feelings for each other despite their insistence to the contrary.

It took an intervention from Penn and Raven to get the couple talking again. Between them, they made a formidable team, even so, it took locking the pair in a room together for them to talk it out.

They talked and they admitted all their fears to each other. Lincoln’s worries about not being good enough, about being a recovering addict, and about Bellamy castrating him for daring to touch his younger sister. Octavia’s worries about her overprotective brother, about Lincoln’s health and about her own ability to help him. They were both scared, but they found strength in each other.

Since that day, they vowed never to hold back if something needed to be said. Today was the first time that they both were struggling with that resolution.

“That was the biggest mistake I have ever made and I have regretted it every day since. I will never do that again Octavia” He confessed to the girl that had somehow managed to burrow yet further into his side. “I’m sorry that I lost control. I’m sorry that I let you down”. He whispered. Moving the arm that Octavia wasn’t clinging onto for dear life and smoothing her hair.  “I love you Octavia”. He craned his neck down so that he could reach the crown of her head in order to place a gentle kiss there.

Octavia sighed and released the grip on her boyfriend’s arm slightly so that she could face him. “I love you too”. Without further hesitation, she released his arm completely and wriggled around, kneeling on the sofa so that their faces were level. “I love you Lincoln”. She closed the space between them and grasped his bottom lip between her own, running her hand over his stomach feeling the muscles tremble beneath her fingertips.

A cough from the doorway interrupted the two before the exchange could become any more heated. Indra’s dry tone cut through the air as the couple jumped apart like a pair of teenagers who had been caught with their hands down each others pants. “Whilst it is nice to know that you two have made up I will be making a start on dinner shortly so, Octavia, I would like to know, is jambalaya suitable? Obviously I know that you cannot eat shrimp so I shall leave those out”.

Octavia cringed at the memory of the last time that Indra had made her jambalaya. Not wanting to upset her boyfriend’s mother, she had neglected to mention that she was intolerant to shellfish. She lasted forty-three minutes after taking her first bite and then had to make a mad dash to the bathroom emptying the contents of her stomach as Lincoln held back her hair. They returned to the living room to find Indra looking remarkably indifferent. Especially considering she thought that she had poisoned her son’s girlfriend. Octavia explained the situation whilst Indra grumbled something about how not wanting to cause the host offence was not usually executed by throwing up in their bathroom.

“That sounds great thanks” Octavia replied. She glanced over to Lincoln who, judging by the smirk, had also recalled the previous incident.  “I’ll come and give you a hand”.  She was stood up and walked through the doorway forcing Indra out of the room before the older woman could object.

Once they made it to the kitchen Indra confronted the smaller woman in front of her. “May I ask why you are so keen to help? If I remember correctly your cooking skills are somewhat questionable”.

Octavia took a deep breath before asking the question that had been plaguing her mind for the last day. “Do you think Lincoln will be ok?”

“Yes” Indra nodded, as soon as he question was asked. “Yes, I do. Because he is strong. Because he has you. Because he has Lexa and Clarke and Bellamy and Ryder and Penn and I. Because recovery will never be easy for him, but you make it easier. He will be fine”.

Octavia nodded at Indra’s response. They both knew that this would be hard for Lincoln but knowing that he had at least one more person who believed in him set her mind at ease a little more. “So what do you need me to do?”

Indra turned round from the cupboard from which she was selecting the rice and raised an eyebrow. “I need you to go back to the living room and watch another film with my son as I would like for my dinner to be edible”. A quiet laugh fell from the younger woman’s mouth at her tutor’s mock annoyance.

Lincoln looked up as she entered the living room, “I thought you were helping Indra?” he queried.

“She told me that she would appreciate her dinner being edible and that I should stay out of the kitchen” She explained. Lincoln burst out into raucous laughter at her admission but stopped when he felt a light slap on his upper arm. “Hey don’t laugh at me I can’t help being a terrible cook”. This just caused his laughter to increase as they both remembered the shift that Octavia had worked in the kitchen. After three hours and several uses of the fire blanket, she had been relegated to vegetable peeling duty. “At least I never set a menu on fire when I was trying to light a candle!” She snorted recalling the incident that turned Lincoln from part- time chef, part- time waiter to full- time chef, banned from the restaurant area, man.

 

Indra could hear snippets of their excitable conversation from the kitchen. She smiled as she heard the couple laugh. She knew then that however had this maybe things were going to work out. Tough times lay ahead, but they had each other, they all did.

***

“Lexa You must be exhausted, I can phone in, tell Thelonious you can’t come in, we can get an agency chef for the night”. Lexa just ignored her and continued to walk through the flat to the front door.

Placing her hand on the door handle, she pulled it down pushing the door open and stepping into the hallway outside. “I am fine Clarke. I can sleep when this is over”.

Clarke chuckled as she stepped through the door, shutting it behind her and holding out her hand so that Lexa could give her the keys to lock up. “You make it sound like some sort of battle not a shift in a semi-fancy bar”.

Lexa dropped the keys into her palm with a smug grin. “Even more of a reason to be ok then Princess”.

Any worry on Clarke’s face was quickly replaced with annoyance at the use of her childhood  nickname. Few people could get away with calling Clarke that.  Lexa would have been one of those people had she not only ever used it when she was aiming to annoy the blonde. “Well I see somebody is feeling better” She grunted. “Just don’t slice your fingers off because you’re tired or anything you know what Wells is like with blood. God only knows how he became the workplace first aider”. She locked the door and turned to give the keys back to Lexa who was stood in front of her smirking. “What?”

“I see you are underestimating my skill with my hands Clarke” She rasped.

Clarke could feel her throat constricting when she attempted to reply in a voice that sounded anywhere near normal. “Nope”. It came out a full octave higher than intended and did nothing to deter Lexa’s sly grin. “Don’t think I could ever underestimate that”. Her brain betrayed her forcing her to speak out loud the words that were intended to stay very much private.

`We need to get going” Lexa spun around and walked towards the way out. Clarke wanted nothing more than to grab her and push her back into the flat but work was calling and they were already cutting it fine.

***

Raven jumped as the drivers door was flung open by Clarke and she heard Lexa throw her stuff into the back before climbing in herself. “Glad you could finally join us. Now drive, I am not going to be on washing up duty for the next month because of you two”.

Clarke started up the car and pulled away. She looked into the rear-view mirror and saw Lexa sat behind Raven clutching her chef’s jacket to her chest.

They pulled into the alley behind The City of Light with less than a minute to spare. All three of them jumped out the car and grabbed their belongings. Lexa let herself in the back door shortly followed by the other two. She walked off to the break room so that she could get changed in peace whilst the other two walked round to the bar dumping their bags in the cloakroom.

“Is she alright?” Raven asked the blonde who was currently preoccupied with rinsing through the beer taps. “Clarke” She tried again when she received no response.

“Yeah” came her absent-minded reply.

Raven huffed at her friend’s distracted response “So that means no then”. Clarke just hummed in acknowledgement having not taken in a word Raven was saying. She grabbed her hand and spun her so that they were facing each other. “Clarke I can tell when something is wrong and you’re really bad at hiding it so spill. What happened?”

“Do you think Lexa is only with me because she can’t be with Costia?” she mumbled.

Raven’s jaw dropped in shock. Had Clarke seen the way that Lexa looked at her, the way her eyes lit up when she saw her. It was enough to make a girl sick. “No” She answered honestly. “I’m guessing this has something to do with the whole crying thing I walked in on earlier?”

Clarke nodded. “She couldn’t find the jacket that Costia gave her because I had it in the car and she got really upset. She had a panic attack, and it just made me think that if she was still alive then she would be with her. It made me think ‘what if I’m just her replacement?’” She admitted.

Raven snorted in disbelief. “First off: bullshit Griffin. She loves you. Seriously I can’t even look at her when she’s around you because her eyes go all heart shaped and it’s enough to make me lose my dinner. Secondly; yes she loved Costia. Yes, there will always be a part of her that loves Costia just like the pair of us will alway love Finn a little bit. Not a great example I know seeing as he turned out to be a pretty fucking terrible person but anyway”. She paused for breath then continued her rant. “Remember how hard she fell for you. It took barely two weeks for Commander ‘love is weakness’ herself to fall head over heels. And then she fucked you over and I’m not going to lie we all hated her for a while, especially when you disappeared without a trace over winter break. But she explained her choices to you and after you tried to kill her a few times you forgave her”.

She took several deep breaths while Clarke stared on waiting for the onslaught to continue once more. “I don’t know if Lexa and Costia would still be together now if she were still alive. I can’t answer that. Hell I bet even Lexa couldn’t answer that”

Clarke bowed her head knowing that there would always be that air of uncertainty.  “She died almost three years ago and yes Lexa still loves her, but that doesn’t mean she loves you any less. Get your head out your ass and look at what’s in front of you Clarke. She loves you. She’s still upset about Costia. She always will be. But you’re not just her replacement”.

Her chest heaved whilst she tried to regain the breath that her rant had taken out of her. She could feel the red heat of her anger dissipate leaving her feeling sorry for her friend that she had just ripped a new one for. She wasn’t going to lie, Clarke had deserved it, but that didn’t make her friend’s watery, blue, kicked puppy eyes any easier to bear. “Hey don’t start crying on me Griffin I can’t be dealing with that!” She joked, pulling the blonde into a hug. “She loves you don’t let anyone including yourself tell you any different ok?” She felt Clarke nod into her shoulder. “Now let go of me because we open in five minutes and some of us have to actually work for a living”.

Clarke laughed and released her friend “Thanks, Raven”.

“Anytime you need someone to have a go at you know where to come!” Raven said. “Oh hey look Miller’s dad is our doorman tonight” She pointed to the man that was knelt down by the door struggling with the bottom latch trying to open it. “That’s been playing up for ages you have to lift it then push….” her voice faded as she walked towards the door in order to assist her friend’s father. The speakers turned on. The opening bars of Headspins playing quietly as Wells showed the first sets of customers to their seats in the restaurant area. Saturdays were always busy and to Clarke it looked like tonight would be no exception.

***

Half an hour in and Lexa was rushed off her feet already. There were two group parties tonight and both wanted four sharing platters each. This may have only required her to throw a load of fries in the fryer and slice some batonettes, but the other orders coming in around the same time and the fact that she didn’t trust the sous chef, Murphy, with anything sharper than a wooden spoon made her task more challenging.

Murphy was a supposedly reformed character, but the simple fact was that he had hurt Clarke’s friends.  Therefore, Lexa didn’t like him. It was him who had shot Raven and caused the nerve damage that affected her leg.  Lexa had only ever heard the story second hand, but that didn’t make her dislike the young man any less.

He had always been getting in trouble. Mostly petty theft or assault, but two years ago the police had turned up at a barbeque in the park  with a warrant to arrest him for murder. In the chaos that ensued when he attempted to run he somehow got hold of one of the officer’s guns and fired it randomly behind him until he ran out of bullets. The other officer tased him and he fell to the ground in a twitching heap where he was cuffed.  Only then did the other party goers see Raven slumped over, her teeth clenched in pain as she drifted in and out of consciousness.

Clarke was the first to react. Running to Raven’s aid, using her jacket to stem the bleeding while she shouted for somebody to call an ambulance. The police being worse than useless left Raven while they dragged Murphy away to the police station where he was cleared of the murder but charged with stealing and discharging an officer’s firearm.

He had been released on the condition that he stay out of trouble. Not long afterwards, Thelonius Jaha took him under his wing. He  employed him at The City of Light vowing to protect him and keep him on the straight and narrow.

According to Abby and Clarke Raven was lucky to escape with just nerve damage in one leg. She had somehow forgiven Murphy, but many of her friends were slower on the uptake, Lexa included.  

The night didn’t slow down until half past nine. Three and a half hours after their first order. Customers had another hour in which to order food and then Lexa and Murphy would have til close to tidy the kitchen and prep some materials for the next morning’s breakfast shift.

She could feel sweat running down the tattoos on her back. Even in the cold spring they were currently experiencing the kitchen was boiling. The fryers, oven and stove had been on full blast all evening and the open windows did little to ventilate the stifling room.

She would be glad when this night was over. She was exhausted and her whole body ached. the heat was making her bruised nose throb. To make matters worse, Allie, Thelonious’s business partner was lurking around. Constantly trying to find fault in the way that she was running the kitchen.

Their last order came in at ten thirty on the dot. Thankfully it was a simple order of sweet potato fries. The other kitchen staff left at eleven once the washing up was completed. This gave Lexa and Murphy three hours to make the pancake and waffles batters, prep the fruit, clean the work surfaces and sweep the floor. They worked in silence. Neither were exactly talkative by nature and the tension between them made both even less so.

Lexa was getting changed in the break room when she heard the music stop. The clock above the door told her that it was just gone two. The adrenaline boost that working in the kitchen had given her faded along with any remaining energy that she had. Clarke walked in just in time to see her girlfriend collapse onto the couch groaning wearily.

“Lex we’re going home now are you coming or do you want me to leave you there to sleep?” she teased.

“You could always stay here with me” Lexa grumbled, holding her arms towards Clarke.

She opened her eyes at the sound of Clarke’s laughter. “I could, but I have to drive Raven home so unless you want her joining us I suggest you get up”.

Lexa frowned sticking out her bottom lip at the prospect of having to move “Can you stay at mine tonight?” She didn’t fancy being alone after earlier.

“Yes”

She didn’t hear Clarke’s answer, instead she began to ramble. “I mean I know you have to take Raven home and she lives with you so it’s easier if you just drop me home and then go home yourself”. She was silenced by Clarke pressing a finger to her lips.

“Lexa I said yes. I’ll drop Raven home and then we can drive to yours ok?"

Lexa nodded and grabbed the hand that Clarke held out so that she could pull herself up. Unfortunately, Clarke was caught off guard and instead of supporting her girlfriend’s weight ended up pulled down on top of her. Of course, Raven chose this moment to walk into the room to fetch them. “Oh my god I cannot leave you two alone for five seconds you are ridiculous”. With that, she stormed off towards the car leaving the couple on the couch in a state of shock for the second time in the last twelve hours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think and whether I should keep this format or change it up a bit - shorter updates more often etc.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Octavia has a potty mouth, Lexa is petty, Clarke hates being called princess.

The drive back from the bar had been filled with Raven making digs at the couple despite their repeated protests of innocence. The final straw for Clarke had come when Raven claimed that you wouldn’t catch her making out with someone in such a public setting. A sarcasm laced recap of the workshop incident with Wick where she sat on the call button of her phone soon wiped the shit eating grin from Raven’s face.  Replacing it instead with a scowl and a not so gentle reminder that: ‘We don’t talk about that piece of shit anymore’.

Now Clarke stood in Lexa’s room folding every item of clothing and sorting them into piles of shirts, pants and sweaters ready to be put away. “Thank you Clarke” Lexa whispered from her place, perched on the side of the bed while she watched her girlfriend pick up the piles and place them in the still open drawers. “I’m sorry”, She bowed her head in shame. She had lost control today and it was Clarke who had to pick up the pieces her past relationship had broken her into. It was Clarke who had to put her back together every time she fell apart.

Clarke stopped midway between the bed and chest of drawers. She knelt down and placed the pile of Lexa’s pants on the floor while shuffling on her knees to the edge of the bed where Lexa was sat. Placing her hands on her girlfriend’s cheeks and raising her head so that they were eye to eye she stared into the cool greys, greens and browns of her irises. “Hey. You have nothing to be sorry for” she breathed, her own features softening as Lexa nodded into her hands. “You have done nothing wrong”. Clarke watched as she closed her eyes breathing deeply.

“I still love her Clarke”. Lexa’s eyes shone with unshed tears when she opened them. “I still miss her even though I shouldn’t because you’re here. I love you Clarke. I love you, but I still miss Costia”. The realisation hit her like a tonne of bricks and knocked the air from her lungs with a gasp. “I think I always will”  

Clarke silenced her by placing her index finger over her lips, “I know”. She moved her hand back to Lexa’s cheek. “I know and there’s nothing wrong with you because of that. You don’t have to stop caring about her just because I‘m here Lexa. You don’t have to forget about her or stop loving her because of me. You may always miss her and that’s fine. She will always be important to you, I understand that and I would never ask you to change or deny that. Not for me and not for anybody else”.

Lexa closed her eyes and pulled her top lip into her mouth biting down a fraction before releasing it and opening her eyes. She placed her own hands over her girlfriend’s, stroking  the back of Clarke’s hand with her thumbs feeling the soft skin, every bump and dip of bones and tendons.

It didn’t take Clarke long to realise that Lexa was reassuring herself that Clarke was in fact there with her in that moment. She sat up straighter and pulled Lexa’s cheeks towards her “I’m right here Lex”. She closed the gap between them pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead then lowering her head, tilting to the side, bringing their lips together in a slow and tender kiss. “I’m not going anywhere”.

Lexa removed her hands from their place over Clarke’s placing one on her waist and another on the back of her neck. She leant in, pulling Clarke towards her, meeting halfway in a bruising kiss. She took her bottom lip between her teeth tugging gently then soothing the area with her tongue. “Lex?”. Shuffling to the edge of the bed, she lowered herself down so that she was kneeling in front of Clarke, their bodies pressed together.  “Lexa?” Clarke pulled back whilst Lexa continued to rub smooth circles into her hip with her thumb. “Are you sure you want this? It’s been a long day. I understand if you don’t want to do this now”.

“Clarke I want this, I want you. So long as it is what you want. Do you want this?”

Clarke nodded in reply “Yes” she breathed. “Tell me if you want to stop. Ok?”. She waited for Lexa to nod her response before continuing their heated exchange, her hand playing with the soft curls at the top of Lexa’s neck.

After a few seconds, the hard floor made Lexa’s knees begin to ache. She pushed forward once more shifting her weight to the left so that they twisted and fell with Clarke pinning her to the floor beneath her hips, releasing their legs from under them. If a few seconds had been enough to make her knees hurt she dreaded to think what numerous minutes had done to her girlfriend’s.

Clarke gazed down at Lexa. She was pinned beneath her hips, soft brown curls splayed over the floor,  irises barely visible around blown pupils. Dropping her head she placed kisses along her sharp jawline reaching her chin before tilting her head upwards, dragging her lips up to Lexa’s. Their mouths met once more, she pushed her hips down into the brunette’s reveling in the whimper that met her tongue as it brushed over her lower lip. She felt a slight tug on the hem of her black shirt when Lexa lifted it and placed a cool hand on the sensitive skin of her lower back.

She sat back on Lexa’s thighs crossing her arms over her hips grasping the hem of her shirt pulling it over her head to reveal a lacy black bra.  Leaning back down pushing her hips towards the floor, she began pulling up Lexa's top. She placed several kisses to the exposed skin before  lifting her and pulling it off altogether. Clarke released the pressure on her girlfriend's hips then eased herself back down rolling her body.

Lexa swallowed the lump that formed in her throat. “Fuck me” she groaned, subconsciously pushing her hips up into the blonde’s.

Clarke smiled grinding her hips down over her girlfriend’s once more, she lowered herself further until their chests were touching. “That’s the plan” she whispered, her lips brushing over Lexa’s with each syllable.

 

***

 

Octavia jerked awake when she heard a car door snap shut somewhere outside. She was lying tucked into Lincoln’s side while he slept on peacefully, oblivious to the movement around them.  Her phone had fallen on the floor at some point during the evening. It was now only visible as a shadow cast by the dim glow of the streetlights outside the window. Doing her best to cause as little disturbance to her sleeping boyfriend as possible she leant off of the sofa, stretching out to reach it. The phone was farther away than she had realised so she placed her left hand on the floor forming a bridge allowing her to just brush the edge of the case with her fingertips. She pushed forward another inch grunting through exertion. All of a sudden the sofa disappeared from beneath her causing her knees to slam down onto the, thankfully, soft carpet. Before she could stop herself the curses left her mouth waking Lincoln.

“O?” He shouted, glancing down to see her sprawled across the floor. “Octavia?” He was on the floor next to her in a flash, barely giving her a chance to regain any composure.

“I hate being short” she sighed.

The living room door swung open to reveal Indra, her eyes fierce. “I heard shouting”.

Octavia lifted her head a few inches before throwing it back down burying her reddened face in the thick rug. At least it was dark, nobody could see her embarrassment. “I dropped my phone”. Her voice was muffled by the carpet, but that didn’t stop the other two from hearing her.

“It is three AM, go to bed I shall see you both in the morning”. Indra stormed off back up the stairs, slamming her bedroom door behind her.

Lincoln stood up reaching out and hauling Octavia up by her armpits. Even in the dark he could sense her embarrassment. “Don’t worry about it, she’s probably just upset that she didn’t get to beat up a burglar. Come on, my neck hurts  from sleeping on the couch like an old married couple”.

Octavia staggered to her feet, stretching out her sore knees. “Your mom hates me I’m surprised she didn’t ‘mistake’ me for a burglar”.

“Indra does not hate you Octavia. She knows that you look up to her and she respects you a great deal. She’s just bad at showing it... Really bad...”

Lincoln retrieved her phone from the floor and led her upstairs to his room where they climbed into bed without bothering to change. “Really?” Octavia asked.

“I would not lie to you Octavia” he sighed then started chuckling,  “Your brother would kill me”.

He heard the soft ripple of her laughter followed by a threatening murmur. “If you lie to me my brother will be the least of your worries”.

Although lying to Octavia was not something which he ever planned on doing, her words still scared him. For such a small woman she packed one hell of a punch. He had witnessed her wrath first hand enough times to know that it was not something he ever wanted to be the cause of  let alone experience.

 

***

 

“I think I have carpet burn on my elbow” Her voice was met by a snort of laughter. “It’s not funny Lexa”.

“Victory stands on the back of sacrifice Clarke” she chuckled.

“What does that even..? Oh nevermind. That can’t have been comfortable for you either”.

“No. My back feels like a gorilla has stepped on it and my neck no longer turns to the left” she admitted with defeat.

They had migrated from the rough carpeted floor to the somewhat softer mattress of Lexa’s bed. The floor had been a mistake. What seemed like a good idea in the heat of the moment had left them with various ailments.

Clarke rolled over to face Lexa, placing a hand on her abdomen. “I don’t care how hot it seems in our heads please promise me never to have sex on a rough floor again. Especially when there is a perfectly functional bed less than a yard away”.

“Do not worry Clarke it is not a mistake I shall be making again anytime soon”. She turned her head towards Clarke, her neck letting out and alarming crack. “Make that ever again” she groaned.  

A ding from the bedside table woke the pair just as they began to drift off. Waving her hand around behind her, slapping the table at random until it came into contact with her phone, Clarke picked up the offending article and placed it onto silent. “Anything important?” Lexa mumbled, not even bothering to open her eyes.

Clarke put her phone back on the table face down and rested her chin back against Lexa’s shoulder. “Just an email from Apple reminding me that my new phone is out of date and that my music taste is terrible”

Even in the dark Clarke could see her pouting. “You mean you woke me up just for that?”

“What? My phone woke you up not me”

Lexa huffed roughly. “Your phone is an inanimate object Clarke, you cannot blame it for your misdemeanors”

She tutted  at the pettiness that was her girlfriend’s reaction to everything when half asleep. “Go back to sleep, I’ve put it on silent now”. She pressed her lips to the bare shoulder, snaking her arms back around Lexa’s waist, pulling her further into her body. "Goodnight Lexa" she whispered.  This moment made her forget about everything happening around them. In this moment, it was just her and Lexa. Once they left the room later that morning the illusion would be shattered but, for now, Clarke was happy to succumb to the bliss and sense of peace that surrounded her when they held each other until they fell asleep.

 

***

 

“Clarke”

Clarke pushed her face further into the pillow. “mmmpffff”

“Clarke” She tried again, louder this time.

“mm yeah?” She slurred through the duvet and pillow.

“Oh my god” She muttered. “CLARKE”

The shout made Clarke jump and she fell off the bed with a loud thud. “AGH what the fuck Lex?”

“Well that woke you up” She sniggered. “Seriously though Clarke, it is eleven am, I have no food and I am hungry”.

Clarke grunted, wrapping the duvet, which she had taken down with her, tighter around her body until she resembled a cocoon. Lexa rolled her eyes in annoyance at the sight that lay before her.

Clarke was nigh on impossible if she hadn’t had at least eight hours of sleep. Last night they had pulled just under seven. That meant that Clarke would spend at least the next thirty minutes unable to string more than two words together into anything even vaguely resembling a coherent sentence. For somebody like Lexa, who could go several days with nothing more than a couple of catnaps, this was infuriating yet somehow adorable.

“Get up”. She grabbed a corner of the duvet and pulled sharply dragging Clarke several inches along the harsh carpet. Fortunately for the blonde her entire body remained swathed in duvet thus avoiding any further carpet burns. “Clarke” Lexa whined continuing to jerk the duvet in a vain attempt to annoy Clarke enough to get up.

Lexa was out of ideas when the shape on the floor finally began to shift. “Oh thank the gods” she muttered, “It lives”. She stepped back and leant against the frame of the open doorway waiting for her girlfriend to emerge from the cocoon she had fashioned for herself. Clarke’s head was the first thing to appear, a wadge of blonde hair popping out from the top of the duvet. “Holy shit it’s a butterfly!”.

Still struggling with the mass of duvet that she had tied herself up in Clarke snorted, “you, have been spending far too much time with Raven”.

Eventually, she wriggled herself free and stood up victorious facing a fully clothed Lexa and an open doorway with another fully clothed woman stood outside. Clarke on the other hand was still very much naked. She shrieked and leapt onto the floor pulling the duvet over herself once more. “Lexa who the fuck is that?”

Lexa turned around to see her new flatmate staring into the room in a state of shock. “Oh that’s just Echo, she’s new, she moved in after Rivo moved out last month”.

Clarke peered up at skinny, blonde girl. “Wait? Echo?” the woman nodded, her look of bemusement replaced with confusion. “Bellamy’s Echo?” It wasn’t much of a stretch; after all Echo wasn’t exactly a common name.  She nodded once more, the confusion in her eyes growing with each passing second.

“How do you know Bellamy?” She asked cautiously.

“We went to school together and I’m best friends with his sister. We sort of worked together when I was on placement as well” Clarke shrugged.

The thoughts and memories must have finally fallen into place because her eyes brightened and Clarke was convinced that had they been in a cartoon a lightbulb would have materialised above her head. “You’re Clarke? Clarke Griffin?” Echo all but squealed. “The Clarke Griffin?”.

Now it was Clarke’s turn to look confused and somewhat worried as she sat up and nodded, clutching the duvet  to her chest. Echo burst out into raucous laughter at the confirmation. “Do I want to know what he has told you about me?” Clarke inquired.

“No nothing” She gasped for breath. “I can’t believe it took me this long to work out. I mean c’mon how many girls do you know called Clarke for god’s sake?”

Clarke shot Lexa an annoyed glance which was responded to with a shrug and a look of ‘what do you want me to do about it?’.

“He also told me that you really hate it when people call you princess. Princess” She added with a wink before walking away. “I’ll leave you to get dressed in peace princess” she called from down the hallway.  

Lexa finally found her voice and spoke,  “She told me she was going out. I did not expect her to be home”.  She at least had the good grace to wither slightly under Clarke’s glare.

“Well, now that I’ve met your flatmates I guess I should probably put some clothes on!” Clarke hissed back watching Lexa back out of the door closing it behind her.

As introductions went it wasn’t her best, but then again it was hardly the worst. No, that spot was reserved for her first meeting with Raven where Finn had run to her, wrapped her in a hug and proceeded to make out with her.  It wouldn’t have been quite so awkward if she had any idea who this new girl was. Or indeed if Clarke hadn’t been dating Finn at the time.

Clarke changed into the spare clothes which she had shoved into the bottom drawer of Lexa’s dresser several months before knowing that they would, at some point, come in useful. She made the bed, placing the sheets which she had dragged down to the floor back onto the bed and plumping the pillows. It was hardly up to Lexa neatness levels, but it would have to do. For now at least.

Lexa was stood at the kitchen table with her back to the narrow hallway as Clarke approached the room. Echo sat in the chair opposite reading a magazine while half-heartedly chewing on a slice of toast.

“Ready to go?” Clarke asked, grabbing her keys out of the fruit bowl which had never actually held fruit in its life.

Echo looked up at the couple noticing that Clarke looked remarkably calmer than she had eighteen minutes previously. “Where are you two lovebirds off to?”

Nodding to Clarke, Lexa turned to Echo “Just to the supermarket. You need anything?”

“Oh really?” Echo drawled placing her slice of toast back onto the plate and putting her magazine down on the table. “Because I thought you might be going to church”. Clarke and Lexa both stared at her in confusion. She smiled wryly “I mean you both sounded very religious last night. You were praising god til about four AM”.

The red exploded across the pair’s cheeks before Echo had even completed her sentence. “Oh my god” Clarke muttered.

“Yeah. That’s the sort of thing you kept saying”.

Clarke Grabbed Lexa’s wrist and dragged her out the door leaving the blonde writhing in laughter at their obvious discomfort.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Octavia is pining, Echo is outrageous, Clexa are gross

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The rugby references have started, God help us.   
> Lexa's team play Rugby Union.   
> Basics of RU: 15 players a side, forwards are numbers 1-8 and are also known as the pack. They are generally the larger/slower players, however, this is not always the case. Flankers are numbers 6 and 7 and it is their job to push in the scrum but detach and tackle quickly once the ball is out.   
> Numbers 9-15 are the backs. They tend to be faster and at least 2 or three have a decent kick. The 10 is the fly-half they're the main kicker and receive the ball from the scrum-half when it's a backs play (Lexa plays 10).
> 
> Sorry, this is probably a terrible explanation. For more details see: http://www.rugbyhow.com/basic-rugby-rules.html

Four days had passed since Echo had been introduced to Clarke. She had soon come to realise that Echo was one of those people who you see everywhere as soon as you know who they are. She played fullback for Lexa’s rugby team, she was in Clarke’s student art society and she even had many of her lectures and seminars in the same building as her. Fortunately, so far at least,  Echo had chosen not to mention the circumstances of their primary encounter. However, she didn’t pass up the opportunity to call Clarke Princess at every available moment. It was a wonder they hadn’t met each other previously. Well, they had, but Clarke was still surprised that neither had realised who the other was prior to that Sunday.   

So far Lincoln had been to two recovery based therapy sessions. The first was a group session where he spoke to others with similar experiences. The second was the harder of the two. It was a one on one session with a therapist. Whereas in the group session he could avoid saying too much, instead letting others do the talking, in the one on one sessions there was no escape. Lincoln was not a talkative person by nature so the very thought of spending an hour trapped in a room with somebody who wanted to know everything about him made his skin crawl. Thankfully he had the same therapist as before so she knew how to make the session easier for him. It was still difficult and unpleasant, but it could have been far worse and he wasn’t actively dreading his next session.

Anya was arriving home later that day. There wouldn’t be a welcome home party just yet though. She was being transported straight to a military rehab centre in New York. There she would have to undergo months of physio and psychotherapy as well as grueling assessments and fittings to determine whether or not prosthetics were a viable option for her. Lincoln had driven up with Indra and would be meeting her the following day once she had had some chance to settle in.

With Lincoln out of state for the next few days, Octavia had taken to pining heavily. They had spent little any time apart in the last six days so his absence had left her sulking like a child who has lost their favourite toy.  Raven and Clarke took it upon themselves to cheer up the smaller girl up by hosting a movie night at their apartment. None of them had to work that evening as Wednesdays were always quiet and only the full timers were needed.

By seven that evening their flat was filling with people. What had started off as a small gathering with a few friends had turned into a dozen or so friends plus a handful of plus ones. Monty sat fiddling with their TV attempting to connect to Netflix while Miller held various cables and a laptop. Jasper was in the kitchen dividing his ‘moonshine’ amongst cups.  Lexa and Echo dished out bottles of beer to those who would rather not risk Jasper’s latest creation. Bellamy had taken to the sofa contemplating what had possessed him when he agreed to attend a movie night where everybody else was at least three years younger than himself and a reckless college student. He had opted for on the job training rather than college. Now he was realising why.

Clarke, Octavia and Raven had just finished microwaving the last of the popcorn when they heard a cheer from the lounge signalling that Monty and Miller had managed to get the TV to connect. They took up residence on the floor in front of the sofa arranging the bowls of popcorn and chips in front of them. Lexa had been about to sit between Clarke’s legs when the doorbell rang once more. Hauling herself up she opened the door to reveal a flustered Monroe carrying a pile of eight large pizza boxes. A second cheer emanated from the lounge at the sight of the food. Lexa took four of the boxes from Monroe as the younger girl shouted at the other guests, dryly asking them whether they were more pleased to see her or the pizza. Their grimaces and silence answered any doubts Monroe may have had.

The group ended up watching Captain America while stuffing their faces. Lexa had settled back so that she was seated in-between Clarke’s legs, her back resting against her chest. Once all the pizza was gone she leant her head back onto Clarke’s shoulder smiling up at her as she laughed at something Raven had said.

It took a few seconds for Clarke to notice that Lexa was staring at her causing her to jump when the bright eyes met her own. Lexa chuckled at her surprise and took Clarke’s hand in her own tracing patterns over her palm.

“Hello there” Clarke whispered leaning down to place a soft kiss on Lexa’s cheek then another to her pursed lips.

“Are you two going to be this gross all evening?” Raven shouted, distracting the couple’s heated eye contact.

Clarke pulled Lexa closer into her, both were smirking. Every eye in the room turned to them, several faces screwing up in mock disgust. “Yes!” they answered in unison drawing groans of disapproval from their friends.  

“If you think this is disgusting you should have heard them at four in the morning the other day they were really going...”

“Echo” Clarke shouted, interrupting her mid-flow.

Raven grinned “I like her”.

Lexa flushed red, her eyes filling with anger as she pushed up so that she was sat up straight glaring at her flatmate and teammate. “One more word” She dared her.

“At it. I mean there was a lot of moaning going on” she carried on regardless.

Lexa’s nostrils flared at the defiance. “That’s it”

Echo opened her mouth in shock whilst everybody else in the room stared on questioning what was happening in front of them. “You wouldn’t dare” she gasped, “It’s our last match of the season”.

“Watch me” Lexa spat. Smiling sweetly she swiveled round to face Clarke. “Clarke, would you like to play for us on Sunday?”

Clarke raised her eyebrows at the request. She had only ever played a handful of games when they were really short of players and although she knew that it was only a friendly charity match it was still the big end of season event. “Errrr yeah but...”

“Good. Then it is done. Echo you’re benched”  Lexa stated before Clarke had a chance to reconsider.

Echo scowled at the couple then looked to Bellamy who was giving her a sympathetic smile from his place on the couch. “Two can play at that game”. She waltzed over to him and wasted no time in straddling his thighs, leaning down to kiss him.

Miller reached out and covered Monty’s eyes with one hand using the other to throw a piece of popcorn at the couple on the couch. “Stop corrupting my boyfriend’s innocence”. Monty slapped his hand away picking up his own piece of popcorn to throw at Echo and Bellamy who had yet to cease their make out session.  

“Stop dry humping my brother on my couch!” Octavia yelled, throwing a handful of popcorn with her right hand and waving the left around as if trying to ward away the image in front of her.

The room descended into chaos with popcorn being pelted at random. When the bowls were empty and arms exhausted, peace returned to the apartment. Echo climbed off of Bellamy smirking at each and every person in the room while he picked up an empty bowl from the floor, placing it strategically on his lap.  Octavia yelped in horror when she saw what her brother had just done.

“I do like a standing ovation” Echo proclaimed pointing at a reddening Bellamy.

Octavia screwed her eyes shut and placed her hands firmly over her ears blocking out any further comment that Echo could make.

Raven surveyed the scene in front of her. Considering the popcorn bowls had been virtually empty there seemed to be an abundance of it spread around the floor and stuck to people. Octavia was still curled up in a ball whining in the true melodramatic fashion that she used each time her brother and sex were mentioned in the same sentence. Clarke was busy plucking popcorn out of a grumpy looking Lexa’s hair. That left her as the only resident of this flat with her shit still together enough to tidy up. She stood up “Right” her voice cut through the shrieks around her bringing silence to the room and all attention to her. “Thank you. I love you all dearly, I really do. But this is my living room and I do not wish to be picking popcorn out of the carpet for the next month. So. there is a dustpan and brush in the kitchen and none of you are leaving until this room is spotless. Understood?” A wave of nods met her as she glanced around the room. “Good! Now if you don’t mind I’m going to bed”.

The wave of nods turned to a chorus of ‘whats’ and ‘Ravens?’ She threw her head back and laughed at her friends displeasure “I’m joking” she snorted. “Seriously you guys? You think I’d leave you just like that? As if I don’t know that the only way to get shit done with you lot is to do it myself?”

***

The clean up too longer than anybody had expected. Toffee popcorn, they learned, did not mix well with carpet, or for that matter hair. Somehow most of the popcorn had ended up stuck to Lexa and Clarke so Raven gave them permission to leave the room tidy up to the others whilst they sorted themselves out. That’s how they ended up standing in the kitchen. Clarke teasing popcorn out of her girlfriend’s hair while Lexa picked pieces from Clarke’s jumper.

“Were you serious about benching Echo?”

Lexa turned her head to Clarke, wincing as the movement caused the blonde to pull on her hair. “No. Well, yes” Clarke furrowed her brow, questioning what she meant. “I’ll bring her on after five, ten minutes. Once I’ve let her stew for a while”

Clarke slapped her arm playfully, “you’re evil”.

“Yes but you love me” She grinned. “I did tell her what would happen if she uttered a word to anybody"

"That explains her silence on the matter"

Lexa nodded. "I was serious about you playing though, you’re still a registered player and it is only a friendly”. Clarke still looked sceptical so she pushed again, “We have loads of subs so you only have to play ten minutes if you want”.

“I’m terrible”

“No!” Clarke raised her eyebrows daring Lexa to argue against her. “You scored three tries in four games. That’s good!”

“And I still have no idea how that happened” She sighed, looking at the exaggerated pout on Lexa’s face. “Fine, I’ll play”.

Lexa broke into a wide grin and squeezed her in a tight hug. She turned away and began walking back into the living room, Turning to face Clarke just before she stepped over the threshold. “By the way you’re being lifted”.

“What?” her jaw dropped “Lexa?” But Lexa was already back in the lounge picking up discarded pizza boxes.

***

Matchday rolled around far faster than Clarke would have liked. She had attended training that Thursday evening and it was fair to say that her lack of exercise over the last couple of months had left her aching long into Friday afternoon.  She had practiced being lifted for an hour and found that even after months off it was a something she returned to with relative ease. The scrums, on the other hand, were not nearly so easy. She would be flanking, her speed not quite enough to make it into the backs but more than good enough for her to charge off the side of a scrum into whichever opposition player had the ball. There was no way around it; scrums hurt. Her technique was good so she wasn’t damaging anything. That didn’t mean her legs would forgive her anytime soon.

Lincoln had arrived back the previous evening so that he could do the warm-up coaching for the squad. Indra had chosen to stay in New York for a few more days and would catch a lift from Gustus on his way back from Boston.

As Indra wasn’t home Lincoln had stayed with Octavia the night before much to the annoyance of Raven who had the room next to her’s. Lexa had also stayed over but fortunately for Raven they had either been much quieter or genuinely went straight to sleep.

As if Lincoln knew he had enraged Raven he rose early to make them all breakfast. The smell of pancakes, bacon and eggs soon summoned the others from their beds and had them seated around the kitchen table. Once they finished eating and had finally woken up Octavia started the washing up, instructing Lincoln to load their kit into Clarke’s car.

“Hey Raven” Octavia called out holding up a dripping frying pan “It’s you!”

Raven rolled her eyes and grabbed the pan from Octavia before she could cause any damage. “Nice one O. I’ve never heard that one” she muttered dryly.

Lexa looked up from the teamsheet she was studying in shock, “really? I’m sure I’ve heard Octavia say it before…” Raven’s raised eyebrows and Octavia’s sly grin stopped her mid flow. “You were being sarcastic weren’t you?” The pair gave solemn nods in response, turning back around to the sink so that they could continue the washing up.

“Kit’s loaded up” Lincoln shouted from the doorway “ready when you are”

Raven and Lexa started putting their shoes on while Octavia drained the sink and dried her hands “I’m coming”

Raven placed her hand over her mouth and heaved. “Please don’t say that. I don’t think it’ll ever sound innocent again after what I had to listen to last night”

“Ladies let’s go” Lincoln interrupted, not giving Raven a chance to embarrass him further.

***

The match was close. Both teams fought furiously and despite having the title of a friendly it was anything but. Lexa’s team held off the Potomac bandits to take a 14-5 win. Octavia had put one try past them and Echo another, Lexa converted  both with ease.

Due to injuries and illness Clarke had ended up playing the entire eighty minutes leaving her with a sense of dread for tomorrow’s day of lectures and classes. She had picked up a few stud marks, but they would pale into insignificance with the ache of her muscles when she awoke the next morning.

All the players from both teams had gathered in the club bar for the post-match celebrations. Lexa and the other team’s captain were at the bar ordering the forfeit drinks: One for forward of the match, one for back of the match and one for Dick of the Day. Several other players had busied themselves arranging a line of six chairs for the unfortunate souls to stand on. Rugby clubs weren’t too strict with the laws around drinking. So long as there was no trouble and there was always somebody sober to look after you, if you played for an adults team chances are they would let you drink.

A sense of dread filled Clarke when she walked out of the kitchen after dropping off the team’s plates and saw the line of chairs. The other team’s only try had come from her throwing the ball the wrong way from the line out. Straight into the hands of their scrum half who tossed it down the line to the outside centre who promptly broke the defense and placed it right between the posts. For her sins, the dick of the day award was hers. There was no point denying that she didn’t deserve it. She did. That didn’t mean she couldn’t still be bitter about it when it was inevitably given to her.

“Hey Princess” Echo greeted her. Clarke didn't get a chance to argue about the name-calling as Echo continued. “Raven was looking for you. She’s over by the bar somewhere I think” She said waving towards the huddle of people around the bar.

Clarke turned to look at the bar jumping in shock when she felt somebody poke two sharp fingers into her sides. She spun round to face her assailant and came face to face with a beaming Raven and a pouting Octavia with an icepack over half her face. “Gotcha” they all echoed.

“Nice line outs Princess” Raven snorted. Clarke gave the woman her best evils for half a second until she could hold back her laughter no longer.

“I’m such an idiot”. The three women in front of her nodded in agreement, “hey you’re not supposed to agree with me”.

“Well it is kind of hard not to on that one” Lexa stated from behind her.

The opposition team captain joined in their laughter at the expense of Clarke. “Seriously. I’ve been playing ten years and I think that’s the best thing I’ve ever seen”

Clarke slumped her shoulders in defeat. “Haven’t you two got drinks to hand out?”

“Yes” they nodded in unison.

"But this is more fun" Lexa teased walking towards the front of the room where the chairs sat.

The two captains stood in front of the chairs and commanded quiet. The home team gave out their drinks first, their three players taking their places on the chairs holding glasses of beer in trepidation. Lexa thanked the opposition Captain and the kitchen staff for providing the venue and food then she started on handing out the drinks. Caris was awarded forward of the match, Octavia the back. When it came to Dick of the Day Lexa drew it out stating that the play was not a regular. That she was only supposed to play for ten minutes, that she may love her dearly, but she had done the unforgivable.

Clarke zoned out through most of the speech, tuning in again just in time to hear: “Next time she plays we will make sure that that she knows which side to throw the ball. Clarke please step forward and take your well-deserved drink”.

She groaned but held out her hand to take the drink anyway.

Once all six players were on the chairs all the gathered players and coaches counted down from three watching as they began to down the drinks they had been given. Octavia felt Lincoln stiffen next to her. She looked down to find his hand clenching and unclenching. Taking his hand between her own, she gazed up meeting his eyes as he looked down. “You ok?” she mouthed. He nodded. He hadn’t expected being around people drinking to be this hard again, not this time.

Cheers erupted when Clarke was the first to finish her drink, She was shortly followed by Caris then Octavia the home team trailing not far behind. Clarke jumped down from her chair placing the empty glass on the table next to her. She walked forward to Lexa and wrapped her arms around her neck “I hate you” She muttered.

Lexa laughed, she knew Clarke hated beer. She lowered her head and placed her hands on Clarke’s hips bringing her closer. “No you don’t”

Clarke tilted her head up pulling their lips together in a chaste peck. “No maybe not”.

“You played well today” Lexa leant back into the kiss pulling away when she heard shouting behind her.

“Do you two ever stop?” Echo asked.

Raven grimaced “No. Not ever. It’s disgusting. You this is bad try living with them.”

Clarke chose to ignore her other friends focusing instead on what Lexa had said. “What?”

“You played well today” Clarke laughed.”I’m being serious. Apart from the slight issue with the line out you played well. You should play more often”.

“Ha. I may be considering it right now but let me tell you Commander Woods, when I wake up tomorrow morning I will be swearing never to play this goddamned sport again. And for that matter so will you”.

“You may have a point there”. Lexa muttered, whilst their friends continued to discuss the things that went bump, or more accurately, the things that bumped in the night.  

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I am sure you are aware it's beginning to look a lot like Shitscram. I work in loss prevention in retail so I'm about to become very busy, even busier than I am now. As a result, the next couple of updates may be a bit slower off the press. Apologies in advance, I am trying to write in my spare time but alas the human body also requires sleep.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time jump to the start of August. The face the wilderness that is a nature reserve in Upstate NY.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who just got shoved on nights for the next couple of days? The one upside is that I get a load more writing time so hopefully I can get the next chapters at least started. I'm going to be doing a few of time jumps in the next couple of chapters so that I bring the timeline just about in line with the real world. Or that's what I'm hoping to do. Whether or not it will happen is another matter entirely.

 

The rest of the semester passed in a blur. Lexa visited Anya on several occasions when studying allowed her time to do so. Clarke chose to accompany her on one such journey and was immediately reminded of why she found the woman terrifying. Her recovery was going well and if all went to plan she would be home by the time Lexa started her next semester. Indra had converted her dining room into a bedroom for her so that she wouldn’t have to navigate stairs whilst she was still getting used to the prosthetics. She was still reliant on crutches, and whilst fine getting around flat, even surfaces she was wobbly on anything else. She could also only manage short bursts before her legs would start to ache and she would have to use a wheelchair.

Finals had been kind to the group, their countless hours of cramming in the library having paid off. As a reward for themselves, Clarke had pestered her mother until she gave in to her demands to borrow the cabin in Upstate New York. They had the cabin for four weeks until Abby wanted it back so she could rent it out for the remainder of the summer. Clarke, Octavia and Raven had the first two weeks to themselves in the cabin. Lincoln and Lexa would join them the following week, before Clarke’s birthday, after their stay with Anya. Unbeknownst to Clarke at this point, Abby, Indra, Bellamy and Wells would also be coming up in the final week.  They would all celebrate her twenty-second birthday then head home together.

All three girls had stayed at the cabin a year prior, however much had changed. In an attempt to lure in more tourists a hotel had been built just around the corner also overlooking the lake. The lake itself had been re-landscaped so now a road split it into two, the forest had numerous new trails to follow and two new information centres. There were also several new campsites.  One of which they discovered by accident when Octavia tried to take a shortcut on her morning run. She returned to the cabin, where Clarke and Raven were just waking, covered head to toe in a mixture of mud and blood from where she had tripped over a guy rope. It took three hours for her to exhaust her ranting about ‘fucking campers and their fucking stringy, tenty, trip hazard bullshit’.

Clarke was in two minds about the changes. On one hand, it was good to see the area developing, welcoming more people and being more interactive with the public. She admired the work that they were putting into teaching and demonstrating sustainability. On the other, it made her sad to see the place that held so many memories for her changed. The tyre swing on the shore of the lake along with the dying tree that held it up had been removed to allow room for the road. The rusty old boat cabin where you could hire canoes or kayaks had been torn down and replaced with a shiny new Watersports Centre. It seemed the only reminders of the happy childhood holidays she had spent here with her father were the fire pit and the log store they had built together before his death.

Clarke spent many hours perched on the veranda at the back of the house with her sketchbook in her right hand and charcoal or pastels in her left. It was the Monday of their second week when Octavia found her in this position, overlooking the lake. Raven had gone to pick up Lincoln and Lexa so she was getting bored. She crept up behind her friend, eager to get a look at the landscape she was drawing so it came as a shock when instead she saw a sketch of two figures on the paper. They had their backs to the audience pointing up at stars in the night’s sky. The taller figure was stood holding hands with a young girl. Around them was the forest and at their feet the lake that Octavia was stood in front of. It didn’t take much guesswork on her part to figure out that the drawing was of Clarke and Jake - her father.

Clarke heard the scuff of feet behind her but chose not to turn around. She didn’t know why she had drawn the scene on the paper in front of her. It was five years since her father had died and although the cabin always reminded her of him it rarely felt this raw. She glimpsed Octavia sitting down next to her out the corner of her eye but still couldn’t bring herself to face her best friend. Not while there were tears threatening to fall if she so much as blinked.

“It’s weird” Octavia started, looking straight out over the lake. “Sometimes, when I go back to Richmond, I feel so happy knowing that my mom was there once and I look at the places that made her happy and it makes me happy. Other times I go to those places, see how much they’ve changed, and it feels like there’s this ghost floating over me because it no longer reminds me of how happy she was but of how the world is forgetting her”.  

Clarke turned her head allowing the tears to trail down her cheeks for a few seconds then scrubbing them away with the back of her hand. Octavia pulled her into a crushing hug while Clarke burrowed her head into her shoulder, tears rushing from her eyes.

Clarke was seventeen when her father died. She was in her senior year at high school, headed off to study medicine in September. When she revealed that she had chosen medicine over engineering her mother had wept with joy and Jake, jokingly,  told her that he wasn’t sure how she was possibly his daughter, but he loved her anyway. A month later Jake was dead. He drowned in York River on what should have been a peaceful fishing trip. Wells was supposed to be accompanying him, but he opted to stay on dry land. For eighteen months, Clarke blamed Wells for not saving her father and for eighteen months he let her hate him. It was only when the last dregs of their friendship withered and died that she discovered her mother was the one who told Wells to stay at home because: ‘Jake may be old and silly enough to go out when there’s a storm coming, but I won’t let him drag you with him’. All the hatred and spite she once felt for Wells had then been directed at her mother for the best part of two years. They had fixed things between them, but they could never be as close as Clarke and Jake had been.  

Octavia released Clarke from the hug and the blonde inhaled, grateful that the smaller woman’s vice-like grip was no longer inhibiting her ability to breathe. “You need to stop trying to crush people’s spines every time you hug them O” she grumbled.

Octavia slapped Clarke’s arm admonishing her for her criticisms “Hey!  everyone loves my hugs shut your face Griffin”. Her words were met with laughter so she launched another slap at her friend’s arm.

“Maybe they’re just too scared of you to... owww Hey! ok ok!” Clarke pushed further slaps away sending Octavia sprawling over the decking where she huffed sending up a cloud of hair which had fallen over her face. “Your hugs are great O. If a little….constricting..”

She shot back upright setting her steely gaze on Clarke “Constricting?” She squealed. “Constricting? I’ll show you constricting”. Without any further hesitation, she launched herself forward pinning Clarke’s arms to her sides leaving her completely immobilised. The pair tipped over the edge of the veranda landing with a thud on the hard ground a foot below them.

“Shit O’ no need to demonstrate why you should have been born a python” Clarke coughed out when Octavia finally relinquished her grip.

A shadow appeared over them, hands on hips, clearing her throat. “Well here are your precious princesses!” Raven gestured towards the tangled heap of limbs on the floor giving her actions a theatrical flourish. Behind Raven, Lexa and Lincoln stood arms crossed and stern expressions on their faces.  

The two girls on the floor propped themselves up on their elbows allowing them to look at their respective partners without the glare from the sun blinding them. Lincoln and Lexa maintained their stoic facade for less than eight seconds before doubling over at the mess below them. It was only then that Octavia noticed the fourth figure standing behind the others.

“Oh fuck!” Clarke glared at her in confusion until an unexpected voice drew her attention.

“Hello to you too Octavia Blake”

Clarke whipped her head round to the source of the voice, eyes widening in surprise. “SHIT!”

“And a warm welcome to you Griffin. You two know how to make a girl feel welcome”

“Lexa…What...?” Clarke stuttered.

“Lincoln please tell me you have not kidnapped your cousin” Octavia groaned as if it were a regular occurrence.

Lexa answered for him while he hoisted Octavia and Clarke up from the floor. “Anya was released a couple of weeks early so she could stay with us”

“What just like that?” Clarke asked, dusting the dirt off of her shorts. Out the corner of her eye, she saw Lincoln grimace. “What?”

“Sooo”

“Lincoln” Clarke snapped

“What Lincoln intended to say was that, yes I was released early ‘just like that’. However they didn’t get much choice in the matter before these three, wheeled me out the door humming the great escape theme and then this idiot almost pushed me in front of a bus!” Anya said pointing at Lexa who at least had the good grace to look mildly ashamed as opposed to Lincoln and Raven who were grinning like kids at Christmas.

 

***

 

Much later that evening, once the car had been unloaded and Clarke had been convinced that no kidnapping had taken place. The five found themselves sat around the fire pit while Octavia tried in vain to light the damp wood.

After her eighth match, Lincoln’s stomach released an almighty roar and after her tenth Raven’s stomach joined the ensemble. Without further hesitation Raven stood up and retreated into the house leaving the four outside looking around in confusion. She returned moments later with a bottle of purple liquid in her hand. As she drew nearer she waved it in triumph. “Stand back ladies and gentlemen I’m going to make it go boom!”

Her enthusiasm was met with shouts of “Oh fuck!”, “Run!” and a scrambling of feet as everybody attempted to put a safe distance between themselves, Raven and the fire.

The only person left on the bench was Anya who looked around and shrugged. “I’ve only just figured out how to walk again I’m not even going to attempt running”.

Raven nodded “fair play. It’s only meths so it will be more of a whoosh than a boom anyway. I just like watching these guys run away”. Anya laughed while Raven set about pouring the methylated spirit over the small pile of dry wood shavings. Just as she had predicted it lit with a soft whoosh taking the small twigs she placed on top with it. “You can quit hiding it’s safe now” She shouted. Anya burst out laughing when she saw their friends emerging from behind trees like startled deer. “Told you Sergeant Cheekbones. It's funny to watch eh?”.

Anya opened her mouth to reply but was interrupted by the group sitting back down in their seats. She watched Raven place ever larger twigs onto the fire until it was letting off enough heat for her to feel it several metres away. This was the first time she had met the woman in front of her face to face and despite several earlier warnings from Lincoln and Lexa about her tendency to make things ‘go boom’ she couldn’t help but smile at the care she was putting into getting the fire lit. Even when she could feel her own face toasting Raven stayed right by the fire feeding it and brushing embers to the side for them to cook on.

Raven looked up from the fire ready to tell the others to pause their making out long enough to cook and eat. Instead, she looked up and met eyes with Anya who was staring at her intently, the corner of her mouth twitching into a small smile. “You treat that fire as if it were your child” She observed.

“It is my child. I made it and I shall nourish it. Then I’ll stamp on it and throw it into the trees tomorrow morning. That’s what you do with kids right?” Anya smirked at Raven’s response unsure of how to answer.

“Raven please, please promise me never to have children” Clarke begged her.

“Don’t worry Princess I’m not planning on spawning offspring anytime soon. Not when it’s food time anyway”. She grabbed a pack of sausages from the bench and placed them on the foil tray she had rested on the embers. “You know I can’t believe there are two trained chefs here and you’re getting the one who failed cookery in seventh grade to cook dinner”

Lincoln and Lexa jumped to their feet shouting about how they didn’t mind cooking if it meant that dinner would be edible. Raven sat down next to Anya chuckling over her friend’s sudden desire to help. “Dare I ask what happened in seventh Grade cookery?” Anya asked her.

A fresh wave of laughter burst through Raven as she recalled the incidents which led to her being banned from participating in cooking of any kind. “The first lesson we had I made cookies but they came out looking really weird so my teacher tried a bit to see what I had done wrong and, well, I used salt instead of sugar. He threw up everywhere. Then the second lesson I misread two hundred and fifty Fahrenheit as three hundred and fifty. I almost burnt the room down. It stank for weeks” She frowned at the memory of the smell of burning pastry. “so yeah I’m banned from all cooking areas”.   

“And you’re an engineer?” Anya raised an eyebrow, giving Raven a skeptical look.

Raven nodded “I had to come up with a way of getting out of cookery even if it did make me look like an idiot” she disclosed with a wink.

 

***

 

Once Raven had stamped out the last embers of the dying fire they went inside for the night. Clarke offered to help Anya make her bed but was surprised when she actually agreed to her offer of help. She was even more surprised when Anya refused Lexa and Raven’s offers of assistance, insisting that between the pair of them they would be done in no time.

As soon as she crossed the threshold into the room Anya threw the door shut and slumped down onto her already made bed. “Sit down” she commanded while busying herself with removing one leg then the other. “Clarke. Sit down”. Clarke obliged perching on the edge of the bed.

She rubbed her sweating palms over her shorts. Clarke had always found Anya intimidating but having her order her around reached new levels of intimidation. “Know this Clarke: If you do anything to hurt Lexa I will end you”

Any thoughts about it being a little late for this conversation were kept silent for fear of enraging the woman before her. Instead, Clarke opted to go for a less direct approach  “You do realise that we’ve been together for almost a year and a half?”

Anya sighed “Yes but this is the first opportunity I have had to speak to you alone so this will have to do. Don’t you dare hurt her Clarke”

“Anya I would never do that” she all but gasped, shocked that Anya could even consider that a possibility.

“I know” she nodded

“Then why are you doing this?” Clarke understood that they were close, but this interrogation seemed a bit much.

“Because I care about her. She is like a sister to me. Her and Lincoln are the closest I have to a family now. The others all came home in boxes four months ago”

The admission shook Clarke. Anya had lost virtually her whole team, but Clarke had never even considered how close they had been or indeed how close her, Lincoln and Lexa were. “And have you had this conversation with Octavia?” Her curiosity got the better of her.

“A variation of it, yes. You have to understand that Lexa struggles sometimes, with people, What they mean when they say certain things. It is easy to hurt her Clarke”

Clarke knew all too well how easy it could be to hurt her girlfriend’s feelings and how hard it could be to calm her down again afterwards. “I know“

“Do you love her?”

She didn’t have to hesitate before answering, her reply was out of her mouth before Anya’s last syllable had faded. “Yes”

“Why?”

“What?” Clarke furrowed her brow trying to understand what she was being asked.

“Why do you love her Clarke? How do you know you love her?”

As soon as she opened her mouth words of adoration flooded out.  “Because she makes me happy, She makes me laugh,.Because she can talk for hours about maps and flags because it’s what she loves. Because I love her when she’s having a bad day and struggles to communicate and I love her when she’s having a good day and can put any of my arguments to shame. I don’t know what you want me to say to make you trust me”.

Anya snorted to herself, shaking her head. “I trust you. I just needed to know that I was right to do so. Do not prove me wrong. Please” The last word was barely a whisper and had Clarke not been listening so intently she would have missed the near silent plea.

Clarke reached across to where Anya was sat, placing a hand on the top of her arm in reassurance “I won’t”

“Thank you Clarke”

Clarke stood up and began to walk towards the door, turning back when she was stood in the doorway. “I know how much you two mean to each other but if you ever need somebody else to talk to. You know where I am” the offer was met by a solemn nod. Clarke stepped the rest of the way out of the room closing the door softly behind her.

On her return to the living room she was met by three sets of eyes all inquiring what had happened in the room. She looked around her friends. They all stank of bonfire and all apart from Octavia, who was already,  looked in danger of falling asleep at any second. “I don’t know about you guys, but my bed is calling”. A chorus of ‘same’ rang out as they all stood up and left for their rooms. Raven was complaining about having the room between the two couples yet again when Clarke closed the door behind her and Lexa.

“You stink” Lexa whined as she leant in to kiss Clarke stopping short when the smell of bonfire attacked her nostrils.

“Believe me you smell no better. Shower?”

“Mmhmm Shower” Lexa agreed as she sniffed her own hoody.

They took their time in shower, placing lazy kisses over each other’s bodies whilst rinsing away the soot and scent of burning wood. The words Anya had spoken earlier rang over and over in Clarke’s head. “Lexa I love you”

“I love you too Clarke”

“I know, but listen, I love you, all of you, every little quirk, every part of you. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. Never let me stop telling you that”    

Lexa stepped back out of the stream of water “Errrr Clarke”

“Yes”

“Is everything alright?” She placed her hands on Clarke’s cheeks, cupping her face.

“Yes”

“Ok” Lexa stepped out of the shower and began drying herself.

“Lexa?” Clarke followed her out of the shower into the bedroom.

“Sorry, I got a bit nervous” Lexa confessed.

“Nervous?”

Lexa looked at her girlfriend sheepishly “You sounded like you were proposing and I got scared”

“Oh” Clarke deflated at the revelation that Lexa didn’t want to marry her someday,“ok”.

Lexa could tell that she had upset Clarke with something she had said. Although she had no idea what part of what she had been saying caused the upset to her girlfriend. She opted to continue, hoping that whatever it was could be rectified by what she said next. “Because I wish to marry you some day Clarke. Just not in the shower. And not while I am a broke student who can’t afford much than a Haribo ring for you”

Whatever she said it had worked because Clarke surged towards her wrapping her in a hug that could rival any of Octavia’s. “I love you and you don’t have to worry I am not about to propose to you in the shower. Knowing our luck one of us would drop the ring down the plughole never to be seen again...” Lexa’s raised eyebrow gained her attention “Ok I would end up dropping it down the drain because I’m a clumsy idiot. Better?”

“Much better”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is it possible to throw up at fluff you've written yourself? I really hope nobody I know outside the internet reads this, I have a reputation to maintain. 
> 
> Please leave comments if you like it or if you don't. I won't reply to them on my phone after my very awkward typo last time so it might take me a while to answer if you have questions etc.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raven is great (again. I mean damn, this girl keeps outdoing herself). Clexa are disgustingly cute and it's horrible. Anya doesn't fall for bullshit easily.

The rest of their second week passed without incident. Almost. The only hiccup had come on Friday afternoon.

Lexa and Octavia were out on a hike, Lincoln and Clarke were sat on the veranda both drawing the landscape before them, and Raven had somehow sweet talked the watersports centre manager into letting her fix a broken speedboat engine. Anya lacked the energy and mobility to hike at this point and her artistic talent stretched no further than stick figures. She would have gone to help Raven however her leg was sore and that was making her grumpy. Anya’s right leg had been amputated above the knee, her left leg below. As a result, the prosthetic on her right leg was far more cumbersome and awkward. It would begin to rub after only a few hours so she would take it off and use her crutches to move around on one leg. That was what she had been doing when she slumped down on the sofa, playing her twenty-fourth game of Fruit Ninja that day. It didn’t take her long to doze off. Three and a half months of learning to walk again had a habit of wearing you out.

At five thirty the front door crashed open drawing her from slumber. She could hear Octavia and Lexa panting and blaming each other for the challenges that led them to run the last four miles. Deciding that she might as well get up now she was awake she swiveled around and pushed herself away from the sofa only to hit the floor half a second later. Lincoln and Clarke heard the crash and came running in through the french windows at the same time as a sweaty Octavia and Lexa appeared in the doorway shortly followed by a mucky Raven.

She let out a low groan “I forgot my fucking leg”. Of course, she remembered now that she had taken her leg off, but then again remembering now wasn’t much use. Not when she now had an audience of five people all staring at her torn between concern and hysterics. “You can laugh once somebody helps me up” Anya spat.

They all rushed forwards, the first to reach her being Lincoln who hoisted her up and handed her the crutches which she had left resting against the sofa. “You may laugh” she stated once stood.

Raven was the only one who did. She doubled over gasping for breath whilst everybody else considered the moral implications of finding the situation humorous. “You’re looking a bit legless there Ayn” She joked. Much to the other’s surprise, Anya chuckled at Raven beckoning for her follow in the hunt for her leg.

Lincoln, Octavia and Clarke looked between each other in shock. “What just happened?” Clarke asked.

Lexa summarized the last few minutes events without realising that Clarke’s was only asking rhetorically. “Anya fell over, Lincoln helped her up, Raven went to help her find her leg after Anya laughed at her joke...Oh” Her eyes widen in surprise. “Oh”

 

***

 

“How’s the shoulder? You landed most of you weight on it” Raven said picking up the leg off the bed and fiddling with the knee joint, tutting at the bulky chunk of metal and plastic.

“Significantly less sore than my pride”

“We’ve all done it. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve forgotten to put my brace on in the morning and not realised until I get a mouthful of carpet. That’s…” She pointed to a minuscule bald patch on her right eyebrow “How this happened. I was still in hospital, Clarke’s mom was looking after me. And even though I knew why I was there it slipped my mind for long enough that I didn’t register my crutches being in there I just stood up. Apparently Abby walked in to find me knocked out on the floor, blood spurting from my eyebrow” ”. She smiled at the memory “I almost did the same thing again two days later, but she was in the room and caught me. Honorary mother Abby Griffin to the rescue as always”.

Anya listened intently to the stories Raven told of her many incidents that ended up with her eating various flooring materials and the odd sofa. She made a mental note never to stay somewhere with hard floors for fear of doing serious damage. There was no denying that her interest in the woman had developed beyond the initial relief she felt knowing that she wasn’t alone when it came to screwed up legs. Then again if the last week of averted gazes and blatant flirting were anything to go by her feelings were more than mutual.

“Anya?” Ravens voice captured her attention bringing her back from whichever far corner of her mind she was in. “I said, once we get back to DC get Jackson to look at your legs”

“Who?”

“One of Abby’s friends. He’s a biomechanical engineer. He helped me get the materials for this” she pointed to the brace on her left leg. “and he builds custom-made prosthetics”

Anya looked down at the cumbersome standard issue prosthetics she was using. “I could never afford  that. Medical discharge pay may be enough to pay my keep, but those are thousands of dollars a piece”.

The bed shook as Raven chuckled “So long as you agree to test out his new designs and buy him a couple of pizzas he won’t care whether or not you pay him. Besides, he owes me for letting him have my design”.

“I could endure that if it meant I didn’t have to be stuck with these” she considered.

Raven handed her, her right leg “unfortunately you are stuck with these for a while yet so get ‘em on because we are hitting the town. Well, we’re going to the restaurant round the corner for Mexican because ‘apparently’ Lincoln and Lexa are sick of cooking for us. But that’s as close as you get to hitting the town around here”.

Anya slotted herself back into her leg and let Raven pull her up off the bed. “You should come down to the boathouse with me tomorrow they’ve got me testing the engines on all the speedboats”.

“I know nothing about engines. I studied politics and geography” She pointed out.

Raven screwed up her face “I can’t imagine anything worse. Besides you don’t need to know shit, that’s why I’m there”.

The underlying plan smacked Anya across the face “You’re just trying to get me out of the house?”

“No” Raven shook her head but changed her mind when she saw the threatening look she was receiving “Well yes. But come on you can only play so many games of Fruit Ninja. Join the fucked up leg brigade. You know you want to” she finished with a wink.

“Fine I’ll go, but if I break something I’m blaming you”

 

***

 

When they returned from the restaurant Anya headed straight to bed, the short walk between their cabin and the diner having worn her out. Lincoln and Octavia had gone down to the lake shore with the premise of swimming but instead ended up making out behind the log store like a pair of hormonal teenagers. This left Lexa, Clarke and Raven in the living room. Lexa had fallen asleep on Clarke’s stomach when her girlfriend’s steady heartbeat and the gentle caress of her fingers through her hair became too much. There was a conversation Clarke had been eager to have with Raven since earlier that afternoon and now seemed like the perfect opportunity.

“When did you stop being scared of Anya? Last time I checked she was ‘a terrifying beast of a woman’”

Raven continued to stare at her phone, tapping the screen frantically every few seconds “She still is if you piss her off. Doesn’t mean I’m scared of her though” She shrugged, her concentration on the game on her phone doubling as she avoided Clarke’s stare. “We’re not as different as you think and I mean at least if I do piss her off I can outrun her at the moment”.

“RAven!”

“Raven who do you think taught me to throw knives?” Lexa interjected, having been stirred from her nap by Clarke’s reprimanding of Raven. “Running would be of no benefit to you; she would merely enjoy it more”

She stuttered several times a steady blush spreading across her cheeks “uh...ok nevermind I changed my mind I’m still terrified of her” The redness of her face, however, told a different story. “I’m exhausted”  She said exaggerating a yawn before standing up and bolting from the room her bedroom door slamming shut behind her.

“It appears Raven has a thing for your best friend” Clarke observed with a smug chuckle.

“And knife throwing…?”

“You have to admit: anything involving that level of skill is hot”

Lexa sat up, eyebrows raised and mouth agape. “What?”

“What?” Clarke shot back innocently. “Admit it, if I were the one throwing the knives you would be impressed” She prodded.

“I would be more impressed if you didn’t accidentally decapitate yourself”

Clarke mocked a gasp “Hey I’m not that bad!”

“Tell that to the poor person whose arm you slice off” She snorted. “Remember Clarke I have witnessed you pitching a softball. That batter still has concussion”

“That happened once and she should have ducked!” She defended herself, but Lexa was taking none of it. Her girlfriend arched her left eyebrow. “Ok twice, but she shouldn’t have been stood right in front of second base. I can't help that she got in my way twice that was her own fault”.

 

***

 

The following morning Lincoln, Lexa and Octavia all went out for a run while Raven dragged a reluctant Anya down to the watersports centre. Clarke remained in bed. She had one more week until they had to go home and she intended on spending as much time relaxing as she could before college reared its ugly head once more. Lexa had suggested that she join them on their run. That idea was knocked on the head rather quickly when Clarke informed her of the only place her running shoes would be going if she didn’t let her go back to sleep. Despite her best efforts, sleep was not immediately forthcoming so she resigned herself to flicking through apps on her phone. Unfortunately, sleep was not as far away as she had thought so when it did hit she was woken immediately by her phone smacking her in the face after she dropped it.

She rubbed her nose absentmindedly long after it stopped hurting. It was only when she heard the front door slam behind the runners that she hauled herself up from the bed and into the bathroom.  

She was seated on the toilet when the bathroom door was teased open by Lexa who was wearing only a pair of tight running shorts and a sports bra. Her skin was covered by a sheen of sweat, her hair made frizzy by the late morning humidity. Whilst it was a view Clarke appreciated the timing was less than perfect.

Lexa carried on oblivious to the blonde giving her evils from the toilet. She slid the door shut just as softly as she had opened it and turned round to the shower which was obviously empty “Oh” Clarke cleared her throat causing Lexa to spin round to face her. “Oh!” Lexa’s face fell from mischievous grin to scalded child. “Sorry. I thought you’d be in the shower. I was going to join you” She explained, nervously fiddling with the ring she kept on her right hand for whenever she felt the need to use her hands.

Lexa had yet to move from her spot on by the door. “Lexa?”

“Yes”

“I’m on the toilet” She pointed out

“I can see that Clarke” Lexa stated although this conversation were a regular occurrence.

Clarke clarified what she had meant: “My pee is getting stage fright Lex”

“Oh, Sorry I’m going. I’ll just...sorry” She pulled open the door more forcefully this time, the runners making an alarming screech at the forced opening.

“Lexa?” She looked back at Clarke’s call keeping her eyes on the floor in front of her feet, nodding to let Clarke know she had been heard.  “I’ll let you know when I’m in the shower”.  

Clarke rolled her eyes and laughed. She loved Lexa, she really did but sometimes her understanding of boundaries and unspoken rules left much to be desired.

Their shower was interrupted by loud thumping coming from the communal bathroom next door. Whatever Octavia and Lincoln were doing they certainly sounded like they were enjoying it very much; Clarke and Lexa would just rather they didn’t have to listen to them enjoy it.  They got out of the shower and dried off unable to put up with the noises any longer.

The veranda was bathed in the midday sun when they found themselves sat outside. Clarke was perched in her usual spot on the edge with her sketchbook in hand. She was just placing the finishing touches on her sketch of Lexa when her girlfriend looked up from her pensive gaze over the lake. “Clarke, I understand if you would not like to, but would you consider designing a tattoo for me?”

Clarke dropped her sketchbook and charcoal onto the decking and flew at Lexa wrapping her in her arms, kissing her cheek repeatedly. She stood up “wait there”, She said as she disappeared inside.

“Clarke?” Lexa shouted.

“I’ll be right back” There was a loud clattering inside then Clarke appeared in the doorway arms full of brushes and paints. She dumped the materials on the table to her left and beckoned for Lexa to stand up in front of her. “Where were you thinking?” Still in shock at the reaction she had received Lexa lifted her top, gesturing at the area on her side where she wanted her next piece to be. “Good”. Clarke stepped forward taking the hem of Lexa’s shirt out of her hands and drawing it up over her head. She lightly traced the skin where the design would go feeling Lexa quiver under her touch as she fought to control her erratic heart rate. “I’ve been waiting for you to ask me that for months Lexa” she drawled into her ear.

Lexa expected Clarke to pick up her sketchbook once more and set about drawing there so it came as a surprise when she gathered paint on the dampened brush and spread it straight onto her skin. The contrast between the warm air and cool water made her flinch when the brush touched her skin. She soon relaxed, deciding that jumping around whilst being painted on would not go down well with her girlfriend.

Lexa looked down at Clarke’s work in awe. It was a simple design, a silhouette of a bare tree,  which spread from the top of her hip up to just below her bra and onto the front of her stomach. Twisted roots splayed out across her body coming together into the gnarled trunk before fanning out once more into tangled branches. Splashes of blues and purples fought their way out from behind accentuating the thick black lines of the branches.  “It’s beautiful” she gasped, unable to raise her voice above a whisper.

“Patience Lex. It’s not finished yet” Clarke chuckled. “I’m glad you like it, I was worried that it wouldn’t fit in with your others” she admitted.

Lexa had three other tattoos and all were tribal style patterns made up of thick black lines. This would be her first piece to contain any other colour,  but that just made her love it even more. “It’s perfect” she reached down to cup Clarke’s face in her palm.

“Hey stop distracting me or you’ll end up with a weird spider instead of a tree. And before you even consider getting a tattoo of a spider, I would never touch you again. Ever”.  Clarke picked the paintbrush up again placing the finishing touches on her work.

“Clarke?”

“Yes?”

“Is this where you came when you left?”

“Yes”

“I’m sorry”

“I know”

 

***

 

“Did Lincoln put you up to this? getting me out the house?” Anya demanded. Raven was crouched over an engine, grease spread up her arms. She had somehow managed to streak some in a line that ran diagonally  from her eyebrow to her chin making her look like she had, albeit poorly applied, warpaint on.

“Nope!” she muttered holding up her hand “Can you pass me that spark plug?”

“No. If it wasn’t Lincoln was it Octavia. They’re just trying to get me out the house so they can bang aren’t they?” she frowned

Raven crumpled to the ground, her body shaking as she laughed. “While I would not put that past either of them. No. Besides you seriously think that they care whether other people can hear them or not?” Anya shrugged, It was a fair assessment. She  wasn’t even in the room next to the couple, but she could hear them. Her heart went out to Raven who had somehow been assigned the middle room between Clarke and Lexa and Lincoln and Octavia.

“Clarke?”

“No”

“Lexa….?”

“Oh come on” Raven shot back.  “This is hardly Lexa’s style, she’d probably just tell you to go outside or let you wallow in self-pity  for the entire vacation. No, I did this of my own volition”

Anya frowned, her brow scrunching as she considered the possible motives for Raven wanting her to be here. Apart from their obvious attraction to each other. But even then a garage full of various boat parts while covered in engine oil seemed anything but romantic. “Why?” She asked. “And don’t say it’s because there’s only so many games of Fruit Ninja a person can play because that’s bullshit you’re almost as bad as me with that game”.

Raven sat back up from where she had laid down on the floor, “honestly?” The other woman nodded sincerely “You’re getting pretty good and I can’t have you beating my high score”

Anya laughed at the bashfulness of her friend. Wait, were they even friends? They had only known each other a week after all. “What’s your high score?”  

“Three thousand, one hundred, and, drumroll please, eighty-three” Raven’s grin was soon shattered when Anya burst into raucous laughter. “What?”

“Beat it” the brunettes mouth dropped open, mouthing a silent ‘no’ in disbelief “last night before bed actually”. Anya pulled her phone from her pocket tapping in the passcode and opening the app. She flipped the phone to face Raven, letting her read the screen as they both began to speak at the same time.

“Three thousand one hundred and eighty-five”

“No…”

“Yes!” Anya nodded locking her screen and placing her phone back in her pocket. She squared off her shoulders and leant her head back setting a cold glare on Raven. “So now I’ve burst your bubble how about you tell me the real reason why you dragged me here”.

Raven faltered under the older woman’s stare. “Because I know how hard it is to go back outside after you spend weeks inside, let alone months. Because I hated leaving the house for months after this happened” she slapped the brace on her knee. “Every time I went out people would stare at me or look at me with pity and nobody else understood. They always saw me as the strong one who had her shit together, but then I almost died and I got lumbered with this shit and nobody got it. The longer you wait to go back out the worse it feels” Anya’s stare fell so that she was looking at her own feet. No matter how much everybody told her otherwise she couldn’t help but feel like a burden and here was Raven, the one person she had felt she was burdening most trying to help her. “You deserve better than locking yourself away in your room playing games on your phone all day Ayn”.

She didn’t know when the first tear had started trailing its way down her face, but as others joined it she sniffed pulling back any sobs that threatened to break free. Raven pushed herself up onto her feet and limped over to the bench sitting down next to her. “Why?” She gasped when Raven pulled her into a tight hug pushing her head down onto her shoulder. “Why do I deserve more when they got nothing? I got out of there and they all died. Why do I deserve anything?”

Raven rubbed her back “You deserve to live and to be happy. They didn’t deserve what happened to them, but that doesn’t mean that you don’t deserve a second chance”.

Anya pulled her arms out from between them and wrapped them around Raven’s waist. “I had nothing to come back for and some of them had so much. We shouldn’t even have been there, it’s not our war to fight. Some politician somewhere just decided that he could send us to fight and die for something that none of us even believe in”.

“Don’t ever call the people who care about you nothing. Lincoln and Lexa fell apart and Indra was only just holding it together for their sake”

“They would have coped” She pulled back from the hug rubbing her nose on the sleeve of her hoody.

Raven clenched her jaw. She knew how it felt to think you had nothing left when in reality the people who cared most would always be there for you. Even with that, Anya’s denial of her worth made her angry. “Well, now they don’t have to because you’re here” she snapped.

“I don’t deserve this. Not when people like Tris didn’t get the chance. I, at least, had a chance at life. She was seventeen. She joined because she thought she could help people. She thought she could protect the innocent and destroy evil. Instead, she ended up being blown up by a man whose entire family would be murdered in front of him if he didn’t fulfil his role as a pawn in their sick game”. She fell forward onto Raven’s shoulder, burying her head in her neck. “You can’t tell me that I deserve everything when she got nothing”.

“Life is fucked up Ayn. Terrible things happen to the best people. Tris deserved more, but that doesn’t mean you deserve any less” Raven instinctively wrapped an arm around the older woman’s waist pulling her closer into her side. “Life should be about more than just surviving, we deserve better than that”.

Anya’s body began shaking in what Raven assumed were sobs. it was only when she heard the unmistakable stuttering of laughter that she looked down at the head leaning against her shoulder.

“Let me guess, it was Lexa that told you that one?” she snorted

Raven thought for a few seconds “I’m pretty sure it was Clarke, but it sounds more like something Lexa would say now I think about it” she pondered.

“Trust me it was Lexa. I taught her that after Cos died and she refused to do anything but the bare minimum to survive, but she still ignored me and insisted that ‘love is weakness’. I’m glad Clarke showed her different”.

 

***

 

The Thursday of their third and final week was a day of mixed feelings. On one hand, tomorrow  would be Clarke’s birthday. On the other, Saturday was their last full day before they had to make the trek back home. Two short weeks after that the new semester would start and they would be thrown back into academic or working life. Sometimes both.

Lexa took Clarke out on a hike with promises of ice cream and drawing opportunities. At least, that was the ploy she used so that the others could prepare the cabin for the arrival of their four final guests without ruining the surprise for Clarke.

They made good time with their journey, arriving shortly after three leaving two hours free until Clarke and Lexa were due back. Abby and Indra tumbled out of Bellamy’s truck already bickering over his driving skills or lack thereof whilst Wells greeted his friends warmly and led them inside leaving an unimpressed Bellamy to unload the car.

There were four bedrooms in the cabin so some rearranging had occurred. Clarke and Lexa would keep their room and although nobody was going to explicitly state why, they all knew it was because nobody wanted to witness them having birthday sex. Octavia and Lincoln, on the other hand, would have to forgo their more than active sex life for a couple of days as they would be sharing with Anya and Raven. That left two rooms free. Bellamy and Wells in one and Abby and Indra in the other. Raven was the poor unfortunate soul who lost rock paper scissors and so had to inform the two older women of this. It was no surprise when this revelation ended with more bickering.

Clarke was not as surprised as everyone had expected to see the additional guests there when they returned from the hike. Eventually, after less than five minutes of interrogation, Wells admitted that he had let slip to Clarke the plans for the final weekend of the trip. He blamed exhaustion caused by finals, everybody else blamed him. Clarke still appreciated the effort they had gone to and this gave the others no option but to, begrudgingly, accept Wells’ sincerest apologies.  

That night they all went into town for dinner opting this time for the pizza place on the lake shore. They ran through the stories of their vacation. From Octavia’s impromptu discovery of the new campsite to Anya’s faceplant. To  the swimming trip that ended in a fried phone after Lincoln forgot to take his phone out of his trunk pocket before diving in. Indra listened to the last story intently all the while glaring at her son, only informing him after they had finished that he could ‘pay for your own damn phone this time’.

 

***

 

Lexa woke early the next morning. Her and Clarke had talked into the small hours of the morning about nothing and everything, but now her phone was buzzing her awake just in time for sunrise. She gently stroked the back of Clarke’s head, pulling her slowly from her slumber. “Happy Birthday Clarke!” She said as blue eyes cracked open. “You still want to draw the sunrise?” Clarke groaned and forced her face into the pillow regretting the moment she asked Lexa to set the alarm for four fifteen. “I’ll take that as a no then” she laughed at the whine that was emitted by the blob of blonde hair next to her. “Clarke” more whining. “Claaaarrkkkkeeee” she sang.

“Noooooooo let me sleep” came her muffled reply.

Lexa whipped back the covers drawing an impressive range of insults from the half-asleep woman as the cold morning air hit her bare skin. “I would love nothing more than to go back to sleep Clarke. However, you were quite insistent that I get you up so we could watch the sunrise on your birthday”.

She flopped over onto her  back blowing away the stray hairs that fell over her face. “UUUUghghhhhhh this is the last time I suggest something romantic at one in the morning”

“We both know that is a lie Clarke” Lexa said, leaning over to kiss her cheek.

Five hours later Abby found them sat on the veranda overlooking the lake huddled in a blanket with Clarke’s sketchbook discarded to the side and Lexa’s arms wrapped around her pulling her close. She posted a photo of the pair to Facebook along with a birthday message before waking them. It took Clarke twelve minutes to see the post and the remainder of their stay for her to forgive her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so I know I said I was trying to catch this up to real time, but these idiots decided to do shit in August instead of listening to me. Honestly, characters, never have them. I was planning a Christmas chapter, however, I am working everyday til Christmas day so it's more likely to be a New Year chapter.  
> Also here is a quick drawing of the tattoo Clarke drew on Lexa. http://theveryhornycaterpillar.tumblr.com/tagged/my_art (as you can see my artistic talents are not quite up to Clarke Griffin standard)


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas and New Year.   
> This is the last chapter (for the time being) I may well revisit later. We'll see.

Autumn Semester ended in a flurry of chaos.  They moved from their three bedroom apartment into a four bedroom so that Lexa could move in with them now that her housemates had either graduated or moved in with others. Raven and Octavia were unsure of why they needed a fourth room seeing as Lexa seemed to spend every night in Clarke’s. Still it gave them a larger kitchen and living area, plus marginally lower rent than they paid last year so they were happy. Not that they would ever admit that.

The 20th December was supposed to be their roommate/friend Christmas before everyone left for the holidays, but due to circumstances involving Raven, candles, and a Christmas tree, their apartment had been left uninhabitable while the smell of burning plastic cleared. That was if their landlord let them back at all. Therefore, their celebrations were postponed until after winter break was over.

Clarke was less than overjoyed to be having to spend two additional days with her mother on the outskirts of town whilst Lexa, Raven and Octavia all spent Christmas with Lincoln, Indra and Anya in Indra’s house just outside the Campus. Another matter that Clarke was less than pleased about was the presence of her mother’s fiance, Marcus Kane. Clarke and Marcus had never seen eye to eye on anything, ever. Marcus was a former police officer turned politician turned International Law lecturer and Clarke disliked police and politicians. She also didn’t trust his faux charismatic smiles and notions of sympathy as far as she could throw him - which probably wasn’t very far. Yet her mother loved him, for some ungodly reason, and as such Clarke would treat him with the utmost respect. At least, that was what Bellamy had advised her to do, whether or not it would last an entire three weeks was another matter entirely.

Four days in and her patience was already wearing thin. Kane was halfway through his third one-sided discussion about why protests that cause disruption are never the right course of action. Usually, she wouldn’t hold back. However, with thirteen days of her stay remaining and her mother already watching their every move, ready to pounce if it looked like an argument was about to occur. She decided to maintain the peace, however annoyed she became. That was the theory anyway. In practice, it didn’t work out that way.

“Kane?”

He stopped mid-sentence, glaring at Clarke for daring to interrupt him. “I was talking Clarke” Clarke heard her mother sigh and whisper a silent prayer to whichever god may be listening when she noticed Marcus’ condescending tone. If there was one thing Clarke hated, it was adults talking down to her about something she was passionate and knowledgeable about. Abby knew that better than most, Clarke thought, personal experience of her as a teenager taught you these things very quick.

A forced smile appeared on Clarke’s face “I know, I had the misfortune of having to listen to you”

“Clarke” Abby hissed, once more begging gods she didn’t even believe in for some sort of  divine intervention.    

She continued regardless, “You seem to forget that people have tried everything else. Petitions show support, but ultimately nothing will happen ninety-nine percent of the time. Boycotts; well you can’t boycott the police they have a habit of showing up whether they’re wanted or not. Protests and marches are repeatedly the most consistent and reliable way to get the public and the government to pay you attention. Although I never thought I’d say this I do agree with you on one thing which is that violence is never the answer. That also means that police need to stop using violence, however”.

“Police do what they must do in order to protect innocent members of the public”

“There is nothing protective about shooting an unarmed seventeen-year-old in the back because he is running scared after you missed the first shot.  Beating up my friend’s brother because he was holding an old lady’s handbag and running has nothing to do with protecting the public. Especially when he’s running after her because she dropped it. Or have you just conveniently forgotten that ‘the public’ also includes black people?” her voice faltered towards her final question as the air in her lungs ran out and her diaphragm shuddered as it fought to get more in.

Marcus sat back in his chair, stunned into silence. People talking back to him was a rarity. Even when he was a politician, he was never important enough for people to answer back, much.

Asking difficult questions which he couldn’t answer without being kicked by an adviser yes, but never had anybody stopped him mid sentence and proceeded to talk at him. He was used to being in control of the room, this was something new, and he did not like it.  “The police do what they have to do in order to protect themselves and the public!” It was a line he had recited on many occasions but even as he said it his belief in the phrase faltered. “There are some who may take matters too far but they are few and far between” he reasoned.

“They’re not though are they? If they were ‘few and far between’ then there would be isolated incidents that would end in the officer losing their job and being brought to trial. The fact that black people face violence from police every day with no consequence for the officers proves that the problem doesn’t just lie with individual officers but the entire system”. That stumped him. He had no response to Clarke’s onslaught and that was a first. Of course there were problems with the system, there always had been, but the size and overall effect never bothered him. Partially because they never affected him.

She was right, the system was broken, and though it pained him to admit it, it took Clarke’s rage, despite her mother’s protests, to make him see that. “The system needs to be fixed”.

It was barely a whisper, not wanting to admit to being schooled by a twenty-two-year-old. They both heard him, though. Clarke coughed, clearly surprised that he had come round to her way of thinking and Abby uttered a “holy shit” in amazement that a full-blown yelling match had been avoided.

Thirteen days left, maybe it was doable after all.

 

***

 

“Lexa?” She remained with her gaze fixed on her phone oblivious to Anya’s shout while everyone else in the room turned round. “Typical. Everyone but you turns round” Anya mumbled.

“She’s got her headphones in” Raven glanced between the doorway where Anya stood and the couch where Lexa sat engrossed in whatever game she was obsessed with this week. “How long do you think it will take her to notice us if we all stare at her?”

Lincoln fixed a threatening glare on her nudging Octavia, encouraging her to do the same as he set a stopwatch on his phone. “Only one way to find out”.

She finished the last stage of the quiz and hit the home button twice shutting down the app before locking her phone. When she looked up four pairs of eyes met her own. With a higher pitched shriek than she would ever admit to making, she flung her phone out of her hands sending it skidding along the carpeted floor, her headphones with it. “Forty-two point six four nine seconds!” said Lincoln with a laugh.

She fumbled around on the floor for her phone and shoved it into her pocket fixing a deathly glare on every other person in the room. it didn’t work, they just laughed more. “Come on Commander. I need to finish off my Christmas shopping and Indra needs us to find a turkey big enough to feed Lincoln and have enough left for the rest of us”. Anya hauled her up from the floor and dragged her out the room.

Anya didn’t start the car immediately, instead, she turned to look at Lexa who was struggling to untangle her headphone and plug them back into her phone. “What’s up Lex?” She turned the key bringing the truck to stuttering start. “And don’t say nothing because even after not seeing you for twenty months I can see when something’s up. You can’t hide shit from me kid”.

Lexa continued to stare at her lap but ceased playing with her headphones long enough to shift her attention to the ring on her right hand. “I don’t know” That was almost as bad as ‘nothing’ Anya sighed. “Everything’s just a bit loud or a bit bright and I can’t block out noises. I feel on edge all the time. Everything makes me jump - like earlier”.

This wasn’t the first time Lexa had felt like that and it certainly wouldn’t be the last but that didn’t make it any less unpleasant for her. Anya didn’t know how she felt, having never experienced it, but she still felt sorry for her. “Sorry, I wouldn’t have let them do that if I realised. Headaches?” She nodded weakly knowing that Anya meant the claustrophobia inducing pressure that seemed to build around her head when she felt like this. Headache was just the easiest way she had found to describe it. “Ok, we’ll take it easy at the shops. Listen to your music, just don’t wander off, and there’s some sunglasses in the glove box if you need them. Let me know if it’s too much and we can leave again, alright?” She nodded again, plugging in her headphones and shutting her eyes, allowing her body to relax into the calm inside the car.

 

***

 

“So Raven?”

“Oh no” Lincoln sighed and started to stand up unwrapping Octavia’s arms from around his stomach. He was well aware of what was about to go down and whilst part of him was curious he was by no means curious enough to risk grievous bodily harm.

Her voice took on a suggestive lilt as Raven turned to face her “You and Anya?”

Raven’s tried her best to hold back the blush that spread up from her neck onto her cheeks, but her efforts were to no avail. “Me and Anya what?” It was a weak attempt at innocence that wouldn’t fool anybody especially Octavia, who jumped up from the couch and launched herself onto the chair besides Raven.

“I knew it!” she squealed, grinning like a proud mother. “So when’s the wedding and can I be maid of honour?”

Raven shook her head at the exuberant ball of energy she had the misfortune (fortune, she loved her really) to call her best friend. “I think we have to actually be in a relationship before there’s a wedding O’” she laughed. “I don’t even know if she’s ready for that let alone if I am. I’ve not done anything past hook ups for the last two years”.

“Bitch please, you two could challenge Lexa for the heart eyes trophy. It’s gross and everybody is sick of looking at it. Isn’t that right Lincoln?”

He looked up from the suddenly very interesting hairs on the back of his hand. “Nope not getting involved”

“Thank you Lincoln” Raven turned back to Octavia “At least somebody here has the decency not to force matters that don’t involve them”.

“It does involve me when I have to watch you pining because you’re too scared to ask her out in case she says yes. Raven just fucking go for it. If she says no then that’s fine I’ll stop bothering you, but if she says yes then try it and if you find out you’re not ready she’ll understand”.

“You don’t fucking get it do you?” Lincoln took the raised voices as his cue to leave. A fight between the two would usually fizzle out in a few minutes but that didn’t make it any less terrifying to behold. “Last time I was in a relationship with anyone it was when I fell in love with my best friend and then he moved to DC. And because he didn’t expect me to follow he fucked the first girl he met until she fell in love with him as well. Only I did follow and for some stupid reason, I still loved him. I loved him right up until he got drunk and drove his truck through a fucking family and into a wall because he was upset that Clarke and me had left him. I loved him even when I watched Clarke holding him as he died. Last time I was in a relationship it fucked me up O’ I don’t want Anya to have to put up with the wreckage from that”.

Octavia reached over to place a tentative hand on her friend’s shoulder “Anya isn’t Finn, Ray. She likes you. I mean even Lexa has picked up on it!” This draws a small laugh from the other woman “Talk to her like properly talk. Find out what the other wants and go from there” She gripped the jumper under her hand and pulled Raven into a hug. “Don’t give up on ever being in a relationship just because Finn fucked you over”.

 

***

 

Lincoln had retreated to the kitchen where Indra was rolling out pastry for the mince pies she would be serving at the Christmas Eve part the next day. “Are you here to help or are you here to avoid whatever those two are yelling about?” Her dry, monotonous tone bought a smile to his face.

He listened for a few seconds before observing, “This is one of their tamer arguments. Only every eighth word is fuck”

“Language Lincoln!” The smile was barely visible on Indra’s face under her stoic facade, but Lincoln could tell when his mother was being purposely annoying.

He played along anyway “they said it, not me”.

Indra hummed in annoyance “Yes but I am not responsible for their upbringing”

“You’re not responsible for mine either mom. You adopted me when I was fifteen”

“Call this making up for lost time and you can give me a hand cutting these up and putting them in the tin while we’re at it”. He laughed at the way Indra tried to boss him around the kitchen as if he were still a boy and not a trained chef. After the chaos of the last few months, moments like this felt even more precious.

 

***

 

The car ride and subsequent shopping trip had gone surprisingly well considering that it was Christmas Eve Eve. The shops were not as busy as either Anya or Lexa had expected and Lexa had calmed down significantly in the short time they were out. So much so that Anya felt she should  try to start a conversation on their way back. Wording her initial question so that Lexa could answer non verbally if she needed to. “You up for talking a bit?”

Lexa paused midway through removing her second headphone, wrapping them up so they wouldn’t tangle in her pocket. “Yes” Anya realised then how much she had missed while away. They had had short phone calls or skyped but most lasted barely fifteen minutes which didn’t leave much room for talking about much more than how the other is doing plus any big events that had happened in the last week. It had been almost two years since Anya had had a chance to actually talk with Lexa about anything other than how college and rugby were going. The woman she considered a pseudo younger sister may have well been a stranger sat in her car now for all she knew about her.  She was stumped on where to start when Lexa did it for her. “How long am I going to have to watch you pine over Raven before you ask her out?” Well, that was near the bottom of the list of questions she expected to be asked. Especially by Lexa.

She coughed in surprise “What?”

“I’m not going to push you, but you should talk to her”.

Anya let out a soft chuckle. “Never did I think that I was going to take relationship advice from you. I’m going to talk to her Lexa. Don’t know when or how much liquid courage I’ll need first But I’ll talk to her”. She looked over to Lexa only to find her grinning. A change of topic was most certainly needed in this moment. “So what game were you playing earlier?”

Lexa stopped grinning long enough to answer. Just. “It was a quiz. You have to name all the countries in Europe”.

“Albania”

Lexa’s grin widened “I can name them all in under a minute”

“Estonia. “Come on then Commander. So far you’re two behind” Anya teased.

They shot answers back and forth until Anya was clutching at straws for ones that hadn’t already been said. “Errrrr - Iceland?” Lexa’s hooting told her all she needed to know. She remembered saying it now. “Go on then which ones did we miss?” After a few seconds of deliberation Lexa listed off the four, they had yet to mention. “Bosnia and Herzegovina I always forget Bosnia and Herzegovina. Why do I always forget that one? and Malta I always forget Malta. This game really isn’t fair you know, I’ve seen your room. You’ve got more maps than I’ve seen in my life, and I studied Geography”

The pair resumed their laughing. It was true, Lexa had a ridiculous number of maps of various ages, areas and sizes. Still it made birthday and Christmas presents easy. The only difficulty was finding ones she didn’t already own.

 

***

 

Raven, Octavia, Lincoln and Lexa all had to work Christmas Eve at The City Of Light. Not that they minded. Thelonious was paying them all time and a half as well as guaranteeing that if they worked Christmas Eve then they wouldn’t have to work New Year’s Eve. “Turns out he does have a heart after all” Raven cheered from the driver’s seat. Her friends were quick to inform her that he did in fact, have a heart the whole time and used it on a regular basis.

Flashing blue lights greeted their entrance to the small car park round the back. Two fire engines and a gas maintenance van with various people milling around them. In the middle stood Thelonious and Wells Jaha. They were clearly talking to somebody important and both had sombre expressions on their faces. Wells Noticed his friend’s arrival and left his father’s side, strolling over to them.

“Gas leak” He explained. “Me and Dad got here about fifteen minutes ago to make sure it was all ready to go. We hadn’t even opened the door before we could smell it”. Octavia and Lexa had already screwed their noses up in a clear indication of disgust at the unpleasant smell. “Fire department said it’s a miracle nothing ignited it and if we hadn’t noticed and turned on the lights we’d be asking for new eyebrows for Christmas”.

Behind them, Thelonious was finishing up his conversation with the man from the gas board. They shook hands before nodding towards the small crowd of employees that had gravitated around Wells. Raven and Lincoln both took a step back allowing Thelonious to stand in the centre of their group. “I’ve spoken to the gas board and they have cut off our gas and found the leak. Due to the severity and our proximity to Christmas they will be unable to fix it before the New Year. As I am sure you are aware, we cannot open until it is fixed. I will pay you all for the work you would have done tonight. I am sorry that you had to come here tonight only to be told that we will not be opening. I wish you all a merry Christmas and a happy New Year”. With that, he turned to walk away leaving the crowd caught between joy at having Christmas Eve off and sadness at the circumstances.

Lincoln plucked his phone from his pocket. The bulky waterproof, shockproof, heatproof, Lincolnproof case he bought with it catching on his pocket as he did so.  _ ‘Do you have room for a few more tonight?’ _

Indra replied to his text seconds later  _ ‘if they are content with eating raw sprouts then yes’ _

Raw sprouts wasn’t quite Lincoln’s idea of party food. He doubted it would be his friend’s either.  _ ‘I’ll get pizza’. _

He called out to Wells and Thelonius just as they started to walk away. “My mum is having a get together. You should come”.

 

***

 

Forty-five minutes later Raven was berating Lincoln for making her car smell of pizza and Chinese while they made their way from the cars to the house. Indra greeted them outside with her signature glare. “And what pray tell have you done to be given the night off?”

Thelonious stepped forwards from the group on the doorstep opening his arms out to embrace her but thought better at the last minute when he saw her scowl. “Gas leak Indra. How are you? It’s been a long time”.

"Yes, it has". She remained unimpressed by his apparent enthusiasm and turned her back leading them inside to the dining room. A collection of professors and other university staff stood around a table filled with various snacks both sweet and savoury. Thelonious received a far warmer greeting from Abby and Marcus; settling quickly into a conversation about the past year.

Octavia grabbed a surprised Clarke and Anya dragging them through to the living room where Lincoln sat waiting with their food. A short explanation of the events that night cleared up their confusion.

Food was devoured, films were complained about and by eight o' clock everyone was stuffed to bursting. Octavia and Lincoln had ended up appropriating each other's laps on the couch. Wells slumped across the arm chair groaning every time he tried to move. Clarke and Lexa had disappeared outside to escape the noise emanating from the dining room. Anya and Raven were constantly staring at each other while at the same time avoiding acknowledging that the other was doing the same. Eventually, they both sat up at the same time and looked at each other. Lincoln stood instantly dragging Octavia and a reluctant Well’s with him to the kitchen under the guise of getting another drink.  

“Raven-”

“Anya-”

They both addressed each other at the same time. Anya tried again only for Raven to interrupt her with the same question “Can we talk?” The pair burst into laughter at their predicament “Lunch?” They asked in unison.

Raven grinned “I’ll take that as a yes then” Her smile dropped. ”Can we take it slow? I don’t know if I’m ready for a relationship yet” Her mind raced through the possible responses Anya could give. She needed stability and what if she couldn’t give her that? What if Anya didn’t want to go out with somebody who had been left a wreck by a previous relationship.

The voices in her mind calmed when Anya placed a tentative hand on her knee only to return when she started talking. “I don’t know-”

“I’m sorry. I Should have-”

Anya reached out for her wringing hands bringing them together between her own. “Raven stop. I was going to say I don’t know if I am either” Relief flushed over her pulling her back down to reality. “I don’t know if I’m ready yet but that doesn’t mean we can’t try”.

Raven breathed a sigh of relief, feeling Anya’s thumbs brush over the back of her hands. Her mischievous grin returned “So, lunch?”

“Lunch” Anya confirmed.

 

***

 

Clarke and Lexa sat out in the garden on a wooden bench that had last seen better days several years ago. A fine mist of rain coated everything around them and made the air feel thick. Light from the french windows in the dining room painted the garden with a soft glow casting long shadows which flowed onto the bench.

Lexa had her head leaning against Clarke’s shoulder while her girlfriend brushed her fingers through the ends of her hair. Something in the living room caught Clarke’s attention so Lexa turned to look as well. “Ewww UGGHhhh my mum’s kissing Kane” Clarke made several gagging noises for effect.

Lexa laughed the disgust Clarke expressed whenever Abby and Marcus displayed any affection towards each other. “Clarke they’re engaged”

She ceased her gagging to fix Lexa with a glare. Left eyebrow raised, lips pressed into a line. “I know. I just don’t want to watch them be engaged”.  

“They are getting married next month Clarke. I still don’t know what to wear. I was thinking black skinny jeans..”

That pulled Clarke’s attention away from the dining room. “You can stop right there Alexandria Woods. You will not wear jeans to my Mother’s wedding!”

She chuckled at Clarke’s sudden outburst “I thought you didn’t care about the wedding?” She challenged.

“I don’t. I just happen to care about you not being murdered by my mom for daring to wear jeans to her wedding”

Lexa pressed a kiss to a still pouting Clarke’s cheek. “I wouldn’t dare”

Abby chose that moment to emerge through the back door “Clarke honey, It’s getting late, we’re going to make a move now. Happy Christmas Lexa”

“Happy Christmas Abby” Lexa replied as Clarke stood up from the bench. Abby disappeared back inside to wish their host and the rest of the guests farewell. Clarke offered a hand to pull Lexa up. “Happy Christmas Clarke” She closed the remaining distance between them to press their lips together.

Clarke wrapped her arms around Lexa’s waist pulling her in closer and bumping their noses when they changed the angle of their heads. She could feel the kiss growing more intense as Lexa swiped her thumb over her cheek. She pulled back reluctantly “We’re going to have to stop that or I’ll never leave”

“What if I don’t want you to leave?” Lexa said, chasing her lips when they lost contact.

“Believe me, I don’t want to leave, but if I don’t go now I’ll end up walking home and we both know I’m too lazy for that” She joked.

Lexa pulled her in for a final chaste kiss “See you New Year’s Eve Clarke”

“Happy Christmas Lex”

 

***

 

Lexa spent New Year’s Eve with Clarke, Abby and Marcus at their house. All four saw in the New Year in the garden watching fireworks go off in the sky around them. Abby and Marcus retired to bed shortly after midnight, an exhausted Clarke and Lexa following an hour later.

“Happy New year Clarke”

“Happy New Year Lex” They lay in bed facing each other, hands intertwined between them. “I love you”

Lexa broke out into a set of giggles “I love you too”

“Don’t. You. Dare” Clarke warned her in a biting tone.

“No Bono” She gasped out between shakes of laughter and soft punches from Clarke.

“Oh my God”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this took me so long to get up, hopefully, I'll be posting something new within the next couple of weeks.   
> Cat :)

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. I wasn't joking when I said that comments and Kudos make me do a happy wiggle (I get some weird looks on the bus) so any constructive criticism, spelling errors, general comments, random stories about the cute dog you saw chasing leaves. Anything. Leave it below or send me a message on Tumblr at theveryhornycaterpillar.tumblr.com or my side blog theveryhonycaterpillarwrites.tumblr.com  
> 


End file.
